That would be one stone, gold motherfucker
I guess you could say it was more of a Fanta sea.
They're full of shit.
Alcohol IS a solution.
The queue to buy toilet paper at Walmart.
Thanos’ finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.
Apparently only DC movies can do that.
What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire. Edit: Thanks for the silver (my first metal)!!
If I’m being objective, it is Dr. Whom.
Dad: No. You’re grounded. Son: No fair! Dad: That’s exactly what I said.
During the Battle of Britain, in just one day, he destroyed 8 German aircrafts killing 32 Nazis. Literally the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
How the hell am I supposed to know if its raining in Sweden?
"Is this good for wasps?" he asked the assistant. "No, it kills them."
He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said "You know, one would have been enough."
As he lays there, unable to move, he thinks about all the rejection he has faced. Countless women, scared off by his grotesque appearance, have avoided all contact with him. Never been kissed, never been loved. As he reflects on his sad, lonely existence, a beautiful, busty young lady, in a very skimpy bikini, is walking past. She sees him – a small, limbless blob – out the corner of her eye. He gives her a smile and she smiles back. And then, she starts walking over to him! As she approaches he thinks to himself – “maybe this is it!” She gets nearer and nearer, her smile growing with each step, until she is right next to him. She leans down, gives him a big kiss on the cheek, and whispers in his ear: “Have you ever been fucked?” Excitedly, the man responds “no!” The woman replies “well you’re fucked now, mate. The tide’s coming in.”
inside jokes 😀
I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don't know either.
A gillie suit.
A joke has meaning.
His name was Sir Render.
A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the wind shield. Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was just an insect." To which her daughter replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."
The pupils, they dilate.
Be a shame if someone put an S in front of it and an E behind it.
I don't know what scared him more. The fact I was naked or because I knew where he lived.
I know, it sounds a little far fetched.
"In honor of this holy season," he said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "This represents a candle," he said. "Very well, you may pass through the pearly gates," said Saint Peter. The second man reached into his pockets and pulled out a set of keys. They jingled as he shook them and he said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said, "You may also enter heaven." The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. Saint Peter looked at the man, puzzled. "And just what do those symbolize?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. The man replied, "These are Carol's."
Today everyone has cars and only the rich have horses. oh how the stables have turned.
Because half way through, they get to switch sides.
It kept crashing with kernel errors.
He kept getting high C's
I’m not buying it.
…that's Hawai'i roll…