Decades old accounts that actively post on reddit on reddit and don’t receive any gold or award at all: … A bot:
A bit harsh I thought, it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to hospital.
The most notable difference is whether you see them later or in a while…
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me.” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Because if it had 4 doors it’d be a chicken sedan.
At the end of it, the person that ran the course said, "Ok, buddy, so for the week you owe me…£380." "I refuse to pay," I told him. "You have to," he insisted. "Well then, you'll have to fight me for it." So we fought, and he absolutely battered me. Left me bloody, bruised and beaten. He said, "£380. Cough it up." "No," I told him, wiping my lip. "Because it was clearly a waste of money."
A man is lying sprawled across three entire seats at a posh theater before the show has even started. An usher walks by, notices the man and says, “Sir, you’re only allowed one seat, can you please sit up?”
The man groans, but remains seated. The usher becomes impatient with the man, "Sir, if you don't get up, I will need to get my manager involved" Again the man just groans, which infuriates the usher as he marches off to get the manager. In a few moments, he returns with the manager and they both repeatedly attempt to move him, but with no success. It was at this point that the manager calls the police. Moments later, a police officer arrives and approaches the man, "Alright buddy, what's your name?" "Sam." the man moans. "And where ya from Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied, "The balcony…"
"Silence of the Lambs"
"Hola milk, soy es tu padre!"
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin." Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."
There was no coffin at the funeral.
It's always "Is Pepsi ok ?"
A sunken chest with no booty!
None, they'll just compliment it for hours and get pissed when it won't screw.
I think she’s in love with me.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
The hobbit laughs and walks under it.
To do To do To do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to dooooo
Because it keeps Dublin.
She was absolutely furious and said she’s never going to play scrabble with me ever again
I said, “We just got here. How lazy are you?”
It’s impossible to put down!
Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.
And every now and again I would take him out for a drag.
Because he is an absolute unit.
It feels like ancient history.
Getting her husband's voice juuust right
So I killed the doctor and the judge gave me 20 years.