Decent joke gets DESTROYED by terrible caption
A do-or-do-not-angle. There is no try-angle.
I read it on an Instagram post.
I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row.
I’m hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.
Late one night a police officer was patrolling a desolate area popular with young couples doing more than just sitting in the dark.
Catching his attention was a couple in a car with the interior light on. Moving closer, the cop could see a young man behind the steering wheel reading a newspaper. In the backseat a young blonde was knitting. The lawman walked up to the vehicle and knocked on the driver-side window. The startled lad rolled it down and said, “Yes, Officer?” “What are you doing?” the cop asked. “Isn’t it obvious?” the young man replied. “I’m reading today’s newspaper.” Pointing to the blonde in the backseat, the policeman grunted, “And what’s she doing?” “I believe she’s knitting a sweater,” the guy behind the wheel responded. “How old are you?” the cop inquired. “I’m 22, Officer.” “And the girl—how old is she?” The dude in the driver’s seat looked at his watch and said, “She’ll turn 18 in ten minutes.”
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
Parents: "arson?" Police officer: "yes, your son"
Doc: "Are you sure?" Me: "…I'm Definite."
But I heard they were recently working on a new track
Son, why did you buy me 55 birthday cards?!
He was, without a doubt, the worst mechanic in the history of Luftwaffe
He said, "One sugar?" I said, "Yes, just the one cup. And don't call me sugar."
It really classed up the joint.
While he's there this scrawny little guy walks in. He walks over to the boss, and he says ''Are you the boss here?'' The circus owner says, ''Yeah. What do you want?'' The kid says, ''I'd like to join the circus. I got an act." The carnie is intrigued, so he says, ''Oh, yeah? Well, let me see what it is.'' So this little guy goes over to the center pole and he starts climbing up the pole. And he goes all the way up. He climbs up and up and up. He goes all the way up to the very peak of the big top. And he looks down, and he takes a deep breath and he leaps off, and he starts flapping his arms. And he starts flying! And he flies all around the big top! He goes all the way around the place. He goes around the center pole. Pshew! He goes loop-de-loop through the trapezes. Then he gets all the way up and he takes a nosedive right down to the ground. Flapping his arms like mad. And he lands right next to the boss. And once he's safe on the ground again the kid asks, ''Well, what do you think?'' The which the boss says, ''That's all you do? Bird imitations?''
The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
Because with great power comes great response ability
Milk- it’s pasteurized before you see it
I know I’m not > or < than any anyone else
Now I can finally eat nuts again, thank God I had masturbation to keep my mind off of the sweet little bastards.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
Well, that was a trip down memory lane.
Because why nacht.
The ceremony wasnt much but the reception was amazing!
Cole's law is basically just cabbage.
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked out the window? It looks like rain, dear.
I said go stand in the corner it's 90 degrees
The elephant of surprise.
It says that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage.
Cause he didn't want to be spotted!