Deep boomer revelation

Hitting a little too close to home

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Why couldn‘t the bike stand up by itself?

It was two tired

haha man chase woman but not for boobies

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Last night my girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed…

2 minutes later she told me all the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

Hey, I’m not saying Hitler was a great guy.

But he really saved the History channel.

I came home drunk from the bar last night, and the wife wasn’t happy.

"How much have you had to drink?" she demanded. "Not much" I slurred. "Look at me!" she shouted, "It's either me or the bar, which one is it?" I paused for a second and said "It's you, I can tell by the voice."

Guys doing this is NOT okay and NOBODY should do it. Got it? Nobody.

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Santa Bias

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I really wanted to watch Fast and the Furious,

But the spoilers ruined it for me.

That honesty…

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how could we doubt einstein

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With relationships, they say there’s plenty of fish in the sea…

But I'm just stuck here holding my rod

Sales pitch

Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled. Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Bubba was getting a 99 percent sign-up for the top GI insurance. This was odd, because it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30.00 per month more for their higher coverage than what the government was already granting. The Captain decided that he would sit in the back of the room and observe Bubba's sales pitch. Bubba Joe stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated, "If you have the normal GI insurance and go to Iraq and are killed, the government pays your beneficiary $6,000." "If you take out the supplemental GI insurance, which will cost you an additional $30.00 per month, the government pays your beneficiary $200,000." "Now," Bubba concluded, "which bunch do you think they're gonna send into combat first?"

A waiter once asked me: “Do you wanna box for your leftovers?”

I said: “No, but I’ll wrestle you for them!”

This is just to much

I guess Donald fell off the wagon

Thanks for explaining

The inventor of the umbrella was originally going to call it the Brella..

But he hesitated.

Poor guy

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If you see a toilet in your dreams

Don't use it.

this hurt

Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello Hello

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r/memes back at it again

It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck last year.

But now I can look back and laugh.

Sad oof

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Why dont eagles and eels breed?

Because its eeleagle.

Food for thought

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Airpod Prank

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A farmer buys a young cock

A farmers cock is getting old, so he decides to buy another younger one. When the new cock is put into the pen with the other chickens, the old cock says to him "I own all these hens, they all will only sleep with me, but I am old, I will give them to you if you grant my last wish before I die" The young cock is desperate to sleep with all these hens, and respects the old chickens last wish, so he agrees. "I want you to fuck me like I am one of them, I've always been curious what it's like, but there's never been another cockerel around" The young rooster is a little put off, but agrees all the same, so he mounts him and starts going when suddenly there is a loud bang, and the young rooster drops dead The farmer puts down his shotgun and says "fuck sake, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month"

Who wore it better?

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One time I bought shoes from a drug dealer..

I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

I saw a radio for sale today for $1. Sign said its stuck on full volume.

I thought to myself "well I can't turn that down!"

Rand “don’t tread on me” Paul.

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Drake in Tabs vs. Spaces debate

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Introducing yourself be like

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Me! XD

“Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please?”

Waitress: slaps me right across the face "The men I please are none of your damn business!"

Huh? (Instagram)

Man sits at a bar and orders five shots…

the bartender asks the guy, "What's up bud? You look rough." "Well," says the man, "I just found out my dad is gay and he's left my mom for some pool boy." "Ouch," says the bartender, "here, these are on the house today." A few days later the same guy comes in and orders another five shots. "Oh no man, what happened this time?" The bartender asks. "Just found out my brother is gay, he's left his wife for a man he met at a gay bar last week." "I'm sorry man," the bartender says, "these are on the house." Just one week later the guy comes in again and orders ten shots. The bartender asks, "Man! Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" The guy responds, "Yeah…my wife."