it's not hard…
"It's for my husband," she tells the clerk "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk. "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"
He never slept on the train with his mouth open again… -Martin Mladenov
Because they have a supreme ruler.
They just arrived. Safe and sound Found this on a text message from someone's actual dad
Like homie what were you doing in the closet that whole time
Saturday and Sunday…the rest are weekdays.
Aisle B, back!
Just ask them to read this word: unionized.
But later on they grew on me
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! . Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.' The lady can't take this anymore, "You foul- mouthed sex obsessed pig!" She retorted indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!" 'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man, 'Whooza talkin' about sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi '..
This week? Just about anything.
…I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.
Go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their mind.
Its ok it was a wookie mistake
I thought I dipped my tortilla chip into a bowl of cheese sauce, but it turned out to be honey mustard.
It was a queso mistaken identity.
He got it from a second-hand store
People are injecting racehorses with steroids, but the cops are finding it difficult to convict them.
It’s like finding a needle in a haystack.
Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence
I hope he likes them
Their funny bone has groan up so theyre more humerus
You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and say, “That’s a girl’s name!” Terry shoots you.
You have died of dissin' Terry.
"I've had enough, I'm going to leave her." "Why?" "She's out every night, going to the bars in town way past mightnight and I'm fed up with it". "What's she doing?" "She's looking for me!"
it was very time consuming
Thanks daylight savings!
I feel with my hands. That was my dad’s go to, directly followed by: dad: can I make you a sandwich Me: sure Dad: (does magic hands) poof you’re a sandwich It’s almost 3 years since he died. I miss his joke every damn day.