destructiOn 100
Why can’t you breed a eel with and eagle?
It’s Eeleagle
Why did Waldo wear stripes?
Because he did not want to be spotted
I’ve been diagnosed with a terrible disease that makes me tell an abundance of airport jokes…
The doctor says it’s terminal
What’s a communists favorite part of math?
The distributive property.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away its broom.
How does Bono spell “color”?
With or without "u"
I recently opened a restaurant.
I guess you could call me an Entrée-preneur
Doctor: It appears that your DNA is backwards
Patient: And?
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?" After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front. "One dollar!" she said. The teacher, conflicted on why the girl can't add, explained to her and the whole class how adding 1+5 works. At the end of class, the students were dismissed. A staff member oversaw the whole thing, and approached the teacher. "What the hell were you thinking asking that type of question?" the staff member asked. "What? I just asked them how much money 1+5 is- They couldn't even answer it!" "You said their parents gave them five dollars." "Yeah, so?" "You work at an orphanage, you moron!"
A few days ago, I told a lady on the bus she had semen on the back of her shirt.
She told me, "Probably just some yogurt." Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure I don't ejaculate yogurt.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work. (I can’t imagine this isn’t a repost, so delete if need be)
A Firefighter ran into a school holding a screwdriver and yelled…
Quick, everyone get out, this is NOT a drill!
The doctor told me I’m colorblind
Yeah. It really came out of the purple.
The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?" Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said that?" Helen: "Your husband." Wife: "Oh." Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Who said that?" Helen: "Your husband." Wife: "Oh." Helen: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you." Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?" Helen: "No, the gardener did." Wife: "So, how much do you want?"
Wife hates husband, likes cat (sorry for the bad editing, had to translate improfessionally)
https://ift.tt/33B5PJY
A man walked into a hardware store and picked up a can of fly spray
"Is this good for wasps?" he asked the assistant. "No, it kills them."
I never liked myself with facial hair…
but since I stopped shaving this beard has been growing on me.
God said to John, “come fourth and you will receive eternal life”,
John came fifth and won a toaster.
You may be young enough to understand tech, but damn that’s a boomer tier joke
https://ift.tt/39ET2Jk
You have $400, your daughter text she needs $200, and your son text he needs $150. How much do you have left?
Me: $400 and 2 unread messages.
Don’t buy anything with Velcro
It’s a total rip-off
What does America have that Canada doesn’t?
Nice neighbors.
I saw a homeless guy living in a tyre. I did him a favour and punctured it.
Now he's living in a flat
So I can legit ride a unicycle. My mom told me it was a waste of time and would never get me anywhere in life….
I said “no mom! Where there’s a wheel, there’s a way!”
Someone’s going to have to put an end to this Epstein meme craze.
Cause it’s not gonna kill itself.
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
How do you cut an ocean in two?
with a sea-saw
Eating a clock is very time consuming
No text found
My son is a man trapped in a woman’s body..
He’ll be born in March.
My sister: Wow dad, you smell good
Dad: I know, it’s because I use both of my nostrils
I bought a handgun from a T-Rex..
…because he is a small arms dealer!
I’ve just found a cure for anorexia.
It was a piece of cake 🍰!!! 😂
I’m gonna start a cocaine delivery service
I'll call it instagram
Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their soup?
Because one more and they would get too farty
