Destruction 100
What did the farmer do when he lost his wife?
He tractored down.
I thought this was funny
I thought this was funny
Hello everyone 23 (F) here.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
My daughter has started asking me questions about the human body
I thought I locked the basement I don't know how she keeps getting down there
I saw an amateur ventriloquist the other night.
The performance was a little wooden.
I finally got myself a girlfriend!
I wish I could post this in another subreddit…
What do you call the security guards at the Samsung store?
Guardians of the Galaxy
My son told me that he didn’t need any help to put on his tie.
Fine. Suit yourself
For some reason I want Palword to make a lot of profit.
For some reason I want Palword to make a lot of profit.
why do ducks wear pants?
so you don't see their butt-quack!
My wife got really mad at me because I have no sense of direction.
So i packed my stuff and right.
Success is like pregnancy.
Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
Did you know that having too much sex causes memory loss?
Or at least that what page 137 figure II part B of my middle school science textbook said.
My wife said she’d leave me if I didn’t stop eating Pasta
Now I'm feeling cannelloni
White people don’t shoot each other in the streets like black people do…
We shoot each other in schools, because we have class.
Two friends decide to go on their honeymoon together…
One evening while the women are in their own rooms, the men drinking at the pub below their lodge, Rob: I bet a 100 dollars I can fuck way more than you ever could in a night. Dan: I don’t think so! I would like to compare numbers tomorrow morning at breakfast! Rob: you know how the ladies get talking about this sorta stuff… Dan: I’ll tell you what, mark the count on the outside of your door and I’ll do the same, no one else has to know… They go back up. Rob has sex 3 times, marks his door with lll and goes to bed. Dan comes around at 4 in the morning, barely able to walk, and looks at Rob’s door, and swears “Rob you son of a bitch! I wish my wife didn’t pass out, I was 6 away from your 111 !!”
A Transgender goes to a dominatrix
The dominatrix never had a transgender client before, but she was a professional, over 5 years in the field, so she decided to agree to take the job. On the first day, she asked: "How should I refer to you, what pronoun do you go by?" Trans person: "Them". And as time goes by they keep talking and getting to know each other, they even tell jokes. After a couple sessions the trans person says "Hey can you tell me that joke you told yesterday again? It was hilarious!", the dom says sure and tells the joke again, but unsure what's funny about hearing the same joke twice. They keep meeting up, having a laugh, all the while engaging in dom sex. After a few weeks of this, the dominatrix is at a coffee shop with her friend when the trans client shows up and says hi. Her friend, surprised, asks "How do you know him?" "They're a client" the dom replied, "but they have a weird fetish" "What is it?" asked the friend, leaning in to hear some gossip "This sub loves when you tell them the same jokes every day!" Edit: consistency with pronouns
Why Americans don’t use metric?
Foot fetish
everyone knows fries aren’t fried in France
they're fried in Greece.
Ok calm down there all hyper intelligent videogame ass
Ok calm down there all hyper intelligent videogame ass
A Nike shoe factory burned down 🔥
1000 soles were lost.
I was at a bar when
A woman at a table a few feet away from me sneezed and her glass eye came out and I caught it. I handed it back to her and she popped it in and said thank you. She was a beautiful woman. Gorgeous face stunning body and a beautiful smile to boot. The woman of my dreams right in front of me. A few moments pass by and she comes up to me and asks for my number and I looked around the room. Surely she must’ve been mistaken. I said “ who me?!!!?” She said “yes of course you. I don’t usually do this kind of thing but you just sort of caught my eye.”
Today I stepped on a hipster‘s foot
Now he is a hopster
What do you call Batman when he skips church?
Christian Bale.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
What kind of bees make milk?
Boobees
How do you get dragon milk?
From a cow with short legs.