Did you hear about the archaeologist that got arrested?
His career is now in ruins.
Because how can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?
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Sorry if this wasn't very funny to read out on Reddit. Most of my jokes are all in the delivery.
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain. In other words…
…there is joint support for joint support for joint support…
He was a decent philosopher, but a lousy cabinet maker.
They're so full of themselves…
Cause truants don't go to school! (I came up with this right now)
"Chris, close the god damn door if you're taking a shit"
As a male, if a girl gets undressed in front of you, she is either interested in you or you’re level 100 friendzoned
Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet.
…does that make it an Edison?
Especially with all this car owner virus going around
It’s not hard.
There is too much sax and violins in it
Its not a long poem but its very deep
In a satisfactory.
It’s impossible to put down!
Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!"
Didn't they already have names?
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain…
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support…
Anyway, my dad just caught me masturbating
Well, I could use a light snack.
Is sphere itself.
Since then my muggings have been a lot more successful.
They don't have Windows…
I don’t know, Sir Cough I guess
Some of my friends have been making very hurtful remarks about my choosing to wear mittens rather than gloves…
…but I don't like to point fingers…
Because they’re the ones making the toys!
Because attachments are forbidden