Did you hear about the frog that was raised by bunnies?
All it could say was "rabbit".
Ever since, all I can think about is how to win her back.
And i knew right away that this isnt working out
but then it dawned on me.
They both got 6 months. P.S this is my first ever post! Please be nive
I think I'm being stalked
If a mass of beef fat is ‘tallow’, and mass of pig fat is ‘lard’, what is a mass of human fat called?
'American'. Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.
Well maybe if it wasn't forced to have such strict requirements it would be more confident.
To see a chicken strip.
A Rogue will pick the lock. A Monk will just use their Ki.
They always claim to be yaki but are actually pretty yummy.
Because their "bi-winks".
they don't know how to spell congrajlashins.
Because it cantaloupe.
I have a hunch it might be me.
They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive
We should hang out sometime.
The cops arrested him for attempted murder.
Doesn’t matter, as long as it’s hearty.
The Pope is saddend that he never sees much of the countries he visits and decides it’s time for a change
After a visit to Berlin, the Pope decides he wants to travel to Rome by car. Off course, he didn't bring a car and so the German government seizes the opportunity to impress him with German engineering. They lend him the most powerful car they have available, with a German driver/bodyguard. And off they go! After a while the Pope ask the drive to pullover: – Young man, could you please drive along the smaller roads? I wanted to see more of the country, not the highway. – But your Holiness, this is the most efficient route. -Yes, but I don't want to take it. -Why not, your Holiness? – Like I said, because I … Oh just get out I'll drive. Now that he's driving himself and wherever he wants, the Pope is having a blast. The driver, who's now in the backseat, is somewhat disgruntled but resigns to his fate and enjoys the view. Near the Austrian border, road works lead the Pope back on the highway. And on this splendid highway, in this amazingly powerful car, the Pope starts to feel the need for speed. But that would be sinful. No no no he can't give in. At this moment, the driver pitches in 'Your Holiness, there are no speed limits on German highways'. Hearing this, the Pope unleashes his long dormant powers of a race pilot and floors it. The car almost leaps with enthusiasm that it can finally show what it can really do. As if by divine intervention all the cars in front of them give way and the car reaches its speed limit, just as it crosses the border with Austria. Within minutes the car is swarmed with police and first responders, tv helicopters are starting to circle. Seeing this Pandemonium, the Pope thinks that his free time has come to an end and pulls over. Several police officers hastily walk over to the driver’s door. The Pope lowers his window and looks up to them with a faint smile. Suddenly the police officers feel very much out of their depth and decide to call the Chief of Police: – Sir, a German car crossed the border at more than twice the speed limit and now we are not sure how to handle it. – What do you mean, you are not sure? Apprehend it! – Yes sir. We got the car sir. But it's seems to belong to someone very important. – Oh. Yes, that might complicate it. Is it a congressman? – No sir, much higher. – Higher? What did you apprehend Angela Merkel? -No, sir. We think still higher, sir. -Higher?! Bloody hell do you think it's God perhaps? – Well sir, the Pope is driving him. Edit: spelling
Now I've got two adult knees.
I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are: white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row.
I'm hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.
I love you honeydew, but I cantaloupe.
They’ve left no tern unstoned…
Well, in a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.
He got the axe after making a cutting remark about some dead wood.
No text found
Best trade i ever made.
“I’ve spent the week with seven beautiful women.” “Do not fret, my son,” says the priest. “All you need to do is take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass and drink the juice.” “Will that cleanse my sin from me?” “No, but it’ll wipe that fuckin’ smile off your face.”