Did you hear about the guy who invented the door knocker?
He won the no-bell prize.
Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died! Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.. Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..
How to scam a billion Indians to get a million likes
How to scam a billion Indians to get a million likes
I went to see my Doctor this morning and told him “The tablets you gave me to stop me shrinking aren’t working”.
He said, “You'll just have to be a little patient then”.
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence
Welcome to a post from literally any Facebook page that has “laughs” in its name
https://ift.tt/2Pyt6qZ
Everything’s great in your digestive system
Until it hits your stomach then it all turns to shit
I asked 100 women which kind of shampoo they used.
The number one answer was, "How the hell did you get in here?"
My dad is coolerblind.
you red that wrong
I found a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
One day, Albert Einstein had to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him: "I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!" The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place." "That's a great idea!" says Einstein. "Let's switch places then!" So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it. But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won't be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response. The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says : "Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I'm going to let my driver reply to it for me."
Did you hear about the guy who made the knock knock jokes?
He won the no bell prize
Do you know the antonyms of the following words?
Always Coming From Take Me Down
I was cleaning out my closet and found an old pair of jeans on the top shelf. Inside of them was a huge rubber penis. I showed my wife what I found and asked for an explanation.
She said, “Honey, you know I never lie. This way, when I tell you that you have a huge cock in your pants, I’m not lying.”
What do you call Batman when he is injured?
Bruised Wayne
None of them work.
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
I’m looking to sell my DeLorean. Good shape, low mileage…
Only driven from time to time.
Here’s one my 5-year old made up: What does a cat wear at night?
PURRR-jamas! She'll be a pro dad joke designer in no time. #prouddad
I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people,
but none of them work
I don’t often tell dad jokes…
Because I haven’t see him in 15 years.
We’ve all been here
We’ve all been here
What tea do rich people buy?
Property
Whats the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boob implants?
One is a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean
When a women is giving birth, she’s literally kidding.
No text found
The World Health Organization (WHO) announced that dogs cannot get Covid-19. Dogs can be released from quarantine.
So now we know “WHO let the dogs out"
After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt.
Turns out she felt the same way. So I turned the airconditioning on.
Want to hear a joke about paper?
Nevermind it's tearable.