Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
But most just have 4.
All I wanted was one nightstand.
So far I have made three jugs and a vase so fuck you, Mr. Johnson!
The Golf of Mexico
Elongate would really stretch on.
It was fake noose
Will keep you posted as the story unfolds.
He has a parrot with him. This parrot is wholly remarkable; it is fluent in Spanish, French and English. So, being a betting man- they're all betting men down in Vegas -he goes up to the bartender and tells him, "I'll bet you this here bird can speak Spanish." The bartender knows this type, and slams his hand down on the counter with a $10 bill. "You're on! Let's see it." So the man turned to the bird and asks, "Hablas Espanol?" The bird is silent as a stone. "Well, watch this, then, he can speak French too. Parlez-vous Francais?" The parrot remains silent. The man is sweating through his jacket, and the bartender is chuckling derisively. "Hand over the cash, sir, and have a nice night." As he walks dejectedly out of the bar, the man turns to the parrot. "You jerk!", he cries. "You cost me ten bucks!" The parrot, taken aback, ruffles his feathers arrogantly. "Cost you? Buddy, I just made you a fortune! Think of the odds you can get there tomorrow!"
It was a miner injury.
They said, "Thanks." "Don't mention it," I answered.
Can I interest you in some rowmance?
I'm at my lowest weight of the year so far
"Help, I've fallen, and I cant giddy up!"
You so early
Dad: clenches fist Mom: DON’T Dad: sweats profusely Mom: … Dad: HI GAY I’M DAD
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?" "Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations." "How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks. The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."
Pen- nay (penne)
A 5 year old African American wanted to see what it was like to be white so he covered himself in sugar. He went up to his mother and said “look mama I’m a white boy now!” and she punches him in the face and he then goes to his father and says “look pops I’m a white boy now!” and he takes off his belt and beats him with it. Finally, he goes to his grandma and says “Grandma, I’m a white boy now!” and she slaps him across the face and asks the boy “How does it feel to be white now?” He responds by saying “I’ve been white for 5 minutes and I already hate black people.”
For keeping me off the streets
She said she just can't take it any longer.
There would be mass confusion
Cop: “Sir, that’s not how a sobriety test works.”
All that was left was de Brie.
I asked for his autograph, but all he wrote was ‘thanks’…
But I’m planning to give it a shot.
Having to clean the monitor.
Husband the next day , took her on his bike to Italian restaurant for evening coffee, then movie. Dinner at most famous restaurant. Followed by ice cream. Later on dropped her at her parents house and went home fast
It’s always the centre of a tension.
When you’re eating a watermelon.
Son: They’re underwater Dad: How are they underwater Son: They’re below C level
“Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!” “No way!” “Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.” – Twenty minutes later they’re ringing the doorbell at the place. A middle-aged lady opens and Fred eagerly asks her, “Hi! I’m sorry to bother you but there was a party at your house yesterday and my friend doesn’t believe that you have toilet bowls of pure gold!” – The lady looks at him for a moment and then yells into the inside of the house, “Roger, the pig that shat in your trombone is here!”
Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.
A kid answered, called me a cunt then hung up.
No text found