Did you hear about the psychic midget prison escapee?
He’s a small medium at large
I showed my damaged luggage to a lawyer, and said, “I want to sue the airline!”
The lawyer said, “You don’t have much of a case.”
The CEO of Valve walks into a bar with two of his associates…
The bartender asks “What can I get for you?” The CEO responds “We’ll have one drink and two drinks please.” The bartender replies “So three drinks?” “What the hell is three?”
My girlfriend told me to fuck her like a man,
So I stuck it in her ass and said, “Yeah, you like that Steve.”
My nephew does well in marathons but poorly in the 100 yard dash…
He's better off in the long run.
I buy my guns from a guy called T-Rex
He’s a small arms dealer.
Why are penguins socially awkward?
Because they can't break the ice.
I really wish I knew who removed the jack from under the car I was working on.
The suspension is killing me.
I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know why
I bet my farmer friend $100,000 I could get his cows hooked on weed
The steaks have never been higher
Justice is a dish best served cold
If it were served warm it would be JustWater
What do pedophile vampires do to relax?
Crack open a boy with the cold ones.
“They’re just doing their jobs, we don’t know what happened before the incident”
https://ift.tt/2XDVY5z
How does a Jewish person make tea?
Hebrews it
I accidentally clicked on a pop-up link that said, “Free Justin Bieber tickets inside!”
Thankfully it was just a virus.
2 Smoking Grandmas & 1 Condom
Jane & Arlene are outside the nursing home, having a smoke. A storm blows in and starts sprinkling. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end and puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking. Arlene: What the hell is that? Jane: It's a condom. This way my cigarette don't get wet. Arlene: Where'd you get that at? Jane: You can get them at the pharmacy down the road! The next day, Arlene hobbles her way into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her strangely (as she is over 80 years of age) but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand condom she prefers. Arlene exclaims, "Don't matter honey, as long as it fits on a Camel!" *pharmacist faints*
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there.
He said he couldn't complain.
What Donald Ducks drug of choice?
Quack cocain
Why is the calendar worried?
Because its days are numbered
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.
He finishes his drink and asks for his check. Duck billed platypus.
What’s the fastest way for Harry Potter to get down the mountain?
Running, jk rowling
Whenever I eat burnt toast it makes me feel sick.
I guess I’m just black toast intolerant.
A paedophile goings into a florist and says “I’d like to order some flowers”
“Orchids?” asks the florist “No, just the flowers” he replied
Someone once told me a story about screws, nuts and bolts.
It was Riveting.
Magician: “For this trick I’m gonna dissapear”
Magician: Looking at pear “You’re ugly!”
They always said if I wanted to make a difference, I should put my money where my mouth is.
I can really taste the change.
Pun enters a bar. Bloody fight ensues, ten people die.
Pun in, ten dead.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high
She seemed surprised
My Science Teacher don’t know science
So my science teacher thinks that the nucleus is the power house of the cell. Not the mitochondria. Should we rebel?
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies. I’ll see myself to the door now
I saw a midget escaping prison and climbing over the wall
It was a little condescending
What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do.
Why is “Dark” spelled with a K, and not a C ?
Because you can't C in the dark.
I’m pretty bad at building fences
Oops, wrong place for this post.
A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z are all racists.. How do I know?
Because they're all not 'C's.
![AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I SURE HOPE SOMEONE GETS THIS SUPER COMPLEX JOKE HAHAHAH I’M FUCKING DEAD 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 [x-post /r/mathmemes]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/oa1acis08ht11-400x331.jpg)
