Did you hear William Shatner was starting his own underwear line?
But “Shatner Panties” was not a good business.
I literally had no idea where this was going but he goes really daddy a jelly-copter
I’ve never been so happy to make everyone at a table hate me. Another player and I were getting into a pretty big pot at the Texas Hold Em table at my local casino last night. Towards the end of the hand, he went “all-in” meaning he bet all of the rest of his chips. When he pushed his stacks of chips in the middle, there was a really long hair hanging off of the chips that stayed attached to the top of his chip stack. When the dealer counted up his stack he said “the bet is $205” And I replied “ah, so just a hair over 200 dollars then??” I’ve never wanted kids, but the audible groans I was rewarded with are now making me think I might be ignoring my calling.
To make it more classy…
creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is
I smiled and told him I was married, so I have no money or a life. He dropped the knife and we hugged and cried for a moment.
that is, until he… scrubbed it!!!
Battle royale with cheese.
It’s really time consuming.
Because it’ll look the same when your phone is upside down.
Communication is key
Because they're always spotted.
…. I would have to change my name.
Nobody knows the answer so she puts her index finger and thumb together and places it over her nose. Little Johnny then asks the teacher "How do you put 6 holes in 1 hole?" She says she doesn't know. He says "You put a recorder up your pussy!" The teacher, surprised by this answer yells "Johnny! I do NOT tolerate such language in my class! Also, a recorder has 10 holes! Not 6!" Little Johnny says "Yeah I know but I didn't know you could fit it all the way in!"
Acne doesn't come on your face until you're 13.
"Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with 'once upon a time'"? The dad responds, saying "No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with 'If elected, I promise…'"
Y'know, the 'universe half empty' kind of guy
But when I do he laughs
“You’re much bigger than that.”
Nothing, it just waved.
I've compiled my bucket list. 4 drumsticks, 4 thighs, original recipe, 2 individual mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits.
They throw one cigarette overboard and make the boat a cigarette lighter. (heard in the Adam West Batman series)
My girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
The tailor at the tuxedo shop was constantly trying to measure me, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”
Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3
You can only ran, because it's past tents.