Did you know that the first French Fries weren’t cooked in France or America?
They were cooked in Greece.
Don’t mind him. He’s just a product of our times.
Because they have been extinct for millions of years.
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards.
I'm sure that must have been a record.
Because they have little anty bodies
Now I can finally eat nuts again, thank God I had masturbation to keep my mind off of the sweet little bastards.
The catapult worked well
“Yes. Don’t get too attached to him”.
A saw a man with the hood on his coat jumping up and down. People were going crazy, throwing money at it. I asked him if he makes a living like that, he said, "Yes, it's my livelihood."
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
It's got a lot to do today
Her name is Cardi O!
It turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile…
Dad: Hi pregnant, i'm Dad Wife: No you're not
sometimes I go for a run in flip flops to remember what it sounds like.
and not “buzzkills”?
Only one in a million turn out to be a human being. Edit: I got my first silver. Thank you people <3
Guess who came crawling back
One’s very heavy and the other is a little lighter.
and then there’s you, without both.
The bartender asks, “how did you do that?”
I keep hearing people say these SoCal earthquakes are being caused by the heat or as punishment for how we have been acting. I think they are wrong.
It is actually the San Andreas's fault.
And they’ll all be open from 11 to 3 daily
They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
We are strictly a Bing family.
Working in IT can all be very exhausting. For all the chief information security officers (CISOs), IT directors, technicians, and any other IT administrator out there grappling with these complex issues, this blog can hopefully bring a smile to your face on a topic, that can typically be exhausting.https://ift.tt/33YMqDH
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What exactly happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. No time.”