Did you know the first French fry wasn’t cooked in France?
It was cooked in Greece
Because seven was a well known six offender
After graduating from high school, my daughter moved away from home to study at university. She sent this letter home to me…
Dear dad, University i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, your $usie. I immediately replied back… Dear Susie, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, dad
First square meal I've had in days.
The pupils. They dilate
He let out a little wine.
She couldn’t see that well
I said, "why are you crying? I'm the one that has to find a new girlfriend"
Billy’s mom comes home. “Billy, what’s wrong?” -“Dad hanged himself in the attic!” he said in tears.
The mother rushes to the attic in a panic, quickly followed by her son. As she gets up to the attic, she notices that nothing is there, and little Billy started giggling. HaHaHa! April fool's mommy!!! He hanged himself in the basement!"
They'll kill your dog
But I think deep down they know nothing could be father from the truth.
there will be mass confusion.
I can’t express how angry that makes me.
All he did was wine
It just isn’t on the same level as homemade and restaurant food
Her: Whatever floats your boat. Me: No. That’s buoyancy.
… but it’s paper view only.
Condescending means to talk down to someone.
There would be a mass confusion.
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
The coronavirus is going to cause the next Boomer effect.
… so that’s odd.
Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean
One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'm gonna punch you!" That was the punch line.
are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of." Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been three times. I wish I could be taken seriously as an actor." They think about it for a few minutes, and Stallone says, "We should do a serious film. A historical." Arnold grins his huge toothy grin, immediately warming to the idea. "A period piece. That's a great way for our acting comebacks to be taken seriously." Stallone, as the film auteur, keeps working on it. "We want people to be emotionally affected by it. Music really moves people. Can we do something about music?" Schwarzenegger agrees. "We could do classical music. You're Italian; you could play an Italian composer." Sylvester says, "I'll play Vivaldi!" Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."
Tell them it's almost over
When the doctor asks what the problem is, the house replies, "I have panes all over."
When I was about 9 years old, my father forced me to go with him to the funeral of a friend of his, that I didn’t know.
When we got there, I stayed in a corner, waiting for time to pass by. Then a man approached me and said, "Enjoy life boy, be happy because time flies. Look at me now…. I didn't enjoy it." He then passed his hand over my head and left. My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was startled that the man who was talking to me when I was in the corner was the same man in the coffin! For several years later, I was not able to sleep properly. With repeated nightmares and psychological disorder, I was terrified of being alone. I visited many psychologists. I didn't turn off the light at night and several other turmoil that I had to endure throughout my adolescent ages…. Years later I discovered something incredible that changed my life. That dead idiot had a twin brother.
… I'm just trying to figure out why they were all carrying bags of candy 🤔
Best dam movie I've ever seen.
She drinks straight from the bottle.
I’ve had a lot on my plate recently
I like to remind her that most lottery winners blow their winnings.