Disagreement
A four-foot-tall fourtuneteller escaped from prison.
He was a small medium at large.
Do you know why women fart after they pee?
They can't shake it so they need to blow dry.
My friend is spreading rumours about me being schizophrenic.
Well, three can play that game!
I told my daughter, โMom keeps asking me if Iโm an Alice in Wonderland character and itโs getting really annoying!โ She asked, โAre you mad at her?โ
โGeez! Donโt you start too!โ I screamed.
3 Cowboys NSFW
Three cowboys sat around a campfire, all exchanging tall tales about how tough they all were. The first cowboy says โIโm the toughest of the bunch. I was out in the tall grass, looking for a good spot to take a piss. All the sudden this snake appears. And you can see in its eyes, itโs out for blood. I look him in the eye and I know that itโs me or him. When he lunged, I grabbed him with my bare hands and strangled him to death. And you see these snakeskin boots? I took them as a trophy from my kill.โ The second cowboy responds: โThatโs nothing. One day I was riding around on my horse, than out of nowhere comes out a big, mean bear. The son of a bitch knocks me off my horse, and proceeds to kill my noble steed. I reach for my gun, but he charges and knocks it out of my hand. Heโs got me pinned, snarling at me just waiting to kill, when I manage to break free, get my knife from my boot, and I stab him in the throat. And you see this bearskin cloak? I skinned him myself and keep this as a reminder.โ The two cowboys look to the third, and one of them says โwell what about you? You think youโre tougher than us?โ The third cowboy says nothing, and just continues to sit there, stirring the fire with his dick.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.
Today everyone has cars and only the rich have horses. oh how the stables have turned.
I buy my guns from a guy called T-Rex
He's a small arms dealer
A guy visits his favorite dominatrix
He puts his money on the bedside table and says โIโve been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.โ She makes him strip and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom. Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts. She runs her whip over his flesh and, as he wriggles in anticipation, the bed posts break and his arms come free. โDonโt worry, I can fix thisโ he says, as he runs out to his car. He returns in a few minutes with some tools and gets to work. In a few minutes the bedposts are fixed. He looks admiringly at his handiwork and beams. โGood as new, mistress!โ She says โThis sub really loves reposts.โ
I like my women like I like my coffee,
hot and all over my crotch when Iโm driving.
3 Beers
A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of beer. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains. "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking." โIt hasn't affected my brothers though."
I ordered a chicken and an egg on amazon.
I will let you know.
Had a chick pull a knife out on me and tried to cut my dick off…
She missed and stabbed me in the thigh. She was later charged with a misdaweiner.
Two prostitutes were chatting on the corner. One says to the other, “You ever been picked up by the fuzz?”
She says, "No, but I've been swung around by the tits a couple times."
What do you do if you break your leg in two places?
Never, EVER go back to those two places.
A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled
The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man. โNo way! No needles! I hate needles!โ the patient said. The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects. โI canโt do the gas thing โ the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!โ The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill. โNo,โ the patient says, โI am fine with pills.โ The dentist then returns and says, โHere is a Viagra tablet.โ The patient says, โWow โ I didnโt know Viagra worked as a pain pill.!โ โIt doesnโt,โ said the dentist and continued: โBut it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth.โ
That awkward moment when you tell a chemistry joke ,
and don't get a reaction
I have mixed feelings about graphs.
The x and y axes are pretty cool but not the plot itself. Thatโs where I draw the line.
What was the name of the werewolf YouTuber?
Lycan Subscribe
Who is CRISPRโs favorite actor?
Gene Hackman
Three third graders, a Jewish kid, an Italian kid and a Hillbilly kid are on the playground at recess.
The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game "Lets see who has the largest penis," he says. "Okay." They all agree. The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Now not to be outdone, the Hillbilly kid whips his out. It is by far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and girth. The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed. "Wow that thing is huge!" they exclaim. That night, eating dinner at home, the Hillbilly kid's mother asks him what he did at school today. "Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book … and during recess, my friends and I played 'Let's see who has the largest penis." "What kind of game is that, honey?" says the mother. "Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our cranks, and I had the biggest! The other kids say its because I'm a Hillbilly. Is that true, Mom?" The Mom replies: "No, Honey, it's because you're twenty-three"
What do affordable healthcare and sarcasm have in common?
Most Americans don't get it.
I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying.
I can also tell when they're standing.
Mexican and African jokes are all pretty much the same….
Once youโve heard Juan, youโve heard Jamal…
A Buddhist refused anaesthetic during a root canal procedure. His goal?
Transcend dental medication.
