Disney acquiring the Star Wars Franchise
is sphere itself.
WARNING: THIS JOKE IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE Obi-wanCANNOLI I’ll show myself out.
Rosy goes to Sunday school every week, but falls asleep every class! One day, to “inadvertently” call her out on it, the teacher calls on Rosy and asks this question: “Who created the universe as we know it to be?” At this point, to just have a laugh, Rosy’s friend, Adam, sitting behind her, pokes her in the butt with a thumb tack! Rosy wakes up in a frazzle, “GOD ALMIGHTY!” The teacher says “yes, correct.” Rosy, still confused after being rudely awoken, is asked another question: “What was the name of Gods son?” Adam, giggling wildly to himself, pokes Rosy in the butt again! Rosy screeches out “JESUS CHRIST!” The teacher says “yes, correct.” Finally, the teacher asks what she believes to be an impossible question: “What did Eve say to Adam after having their 43rd child?” Adam, triumphantly, drives the thumbtack into Rosy’s backside yet again to then hear Rosy yell out “Oh for fucks sake Adam, if you stick that thing in me one more time I’ll snap it in two!”
He liked to pump irony.
He keeps saying, "I can't go on, I hate my life". My roommate's too selfish to notice. He's always crying.
My family and friends all laughed when I told them that one day, I would discover the secrets of invisibility…
If only they could see me now…
One's a British WASP, and the other is a USB.
Aisle B, back
She ran away from the ball.
Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions. I was the best teacher ever.
Some scientists claim it might become a pundemic.
On the left side, there is nothing right. On the right side, there is nothing left.
In his home was a protractor, a calculator, and ruler. He was arrested for carrying weapons of math instruction.
He felt his presents.
Wife, “I don’t like calling you at work.”
Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.
I have some breaking news for her.
Unless you Count Dracula.
Either your name is Scott or it isn’t.
It's easy, I just sleep during the nights. *(disclaimer — this dadjoke was delivered deadpan by my daughter. She is truly becoming a master)
Both got drunk, started walking home and had to go to the bathroom. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her panties and the other grabbed a wreath off a grave. The next morning, one husband calls the other and says, "No more girls' night out. My wife came back with no panties." "You think you have it bad?", says the other, "Mine came back with a card stuck in her crack that read from all of us at the fire station... we will never forget you."
Runs until Friday.
I don't want to comb placate things.
I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked, "Babes, Jabba the Hutt is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed, "Fuck you asshole" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"
Oh wait, my bad. That wasn’t my waiter.
Unfortunately for him, screaming “mercy” at the top of his lungs only hastened the process.
I don’t know, he ransomware
Would his name be stoptimus Crime?