Do you have a flag?
otherwise, it's just sparkling isolation
A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right. Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells "We got him!"
ME: I can’t afford that PIZZA GUY: Well you’ll have to pay some other way. ME: [takes out wallet] Wait I forgot I had 30 dollars. PORN DIRECTOR: Cut! The fuck are you doing?
But China got it right off the bat.
I made several discoveries
The diagnosis came completely out of the purple 😀
My wife caught me peeing in the shower, and the people at Lowe's are still mad about it.
They’d be alloys!
Should I be worried, or is it just a phrase?
A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to many doctors over the years, but none of them could help him. Finally one doctor said to him “I believe I found the reason for your stuttering”.
The man asked, "Waah.. waaah.. waah.. what is my pro… proo… problem?" The doctor replied, "Your penis is very, very large. The weight of your penis is causing a strain on your larynx, and this results in your stuttering. The only solution to this is to perform a penis transplant." The man was really tired of his stuttering, so he agreed to a transplant. Several days later the doctor called the man up and informed him that they have found a suitable donor. The transplant operation was successfully performed and the man could speak without any stutter. At first he was happy, but after a while he began to miss his large penis, and how the girls used to love it. He finally went back to his doctor and said, "Doctor, I am grateful for the opportunity you have given me to speak without a stutter, but I miss my old penis. Please find the transplant donor and tell him that we have to exchange penises back." The doctor shook his head and replied, "Tha…thaaa…that's im… immm… imm… po.. po.. pooo.. impossible!"
So I removed the whole mirror. I haven’t looked back since.
They always punch up the fuck line.
because its hands were constantly touching its face
It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs when I sleep. Obligatory: Thank you for the silver and gold, kind strangers! My first awards ever.
Me: Why? Doctor: Because it's distracting.
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I never imagined my house would have a drug attic.
And not joint custody
So I just came in my pants.
My wife hit the roof
You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve…
I don’t know y
This morning at breakfast, my dad looked at us very seriously and said, “It hurts me when I say this..”
..”But I have a sore throat.”
Which takes the total number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
If you took all the people in the world who fall asleep during church, and laid them head to toe in a straight line
They’d all be a lot more comfortable
This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact the average house can't jump.
Well, first it tied the records up, then it beat them…
Beefy my 15 year old daughter trying to emulate my sense of humor.
It only takes one nail to get the picture of Jesus up and hanging
So when they come into port, they can scan-da-navy-in
Silly question, every child knows that.
The steaks will be higher than ever