Do you know why programers prefer dark mode?
Because light attracts bugs.
After all, 2022 is 2020, too!
I should have never left them in the same box as the bishops.
It heard you were supposed to have three squared meals a day.
It was a salt and peppery.
The horse says "Sure."
like there's no tomorrow.
But then I was born.
It's really time consuming. Especially if you go for seconds.
It be the best place to exchange stolen content for gold.
Which is why I eat hotdogs in under 6 seconds… So it doesn't get weird.
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
Because if it was served warm it would be Justwater
That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning
The stewardess stops him and says "I'm sorry sir, you're only one carrion per passenger!"
A woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap.
"Because he used to live in a brothel," says the shopkeeper. She pays $15. When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs. When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laugh too. When the dad gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me Pete, haven't seen you for weeks!"
Even the cake was in tiers!
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. So during a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen ?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure.' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?', she asks. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast?'
A plant-based beef. P.S. [This is my first joke, pls don't judge too harshly]
Me: Of course I know him. He's me.
The cops arrested him for attempted murder.
A condescending con descending.
and are followed by 'Batman!'
I bought a safe for my home
I said to him, “I bet I know what your favorite Christian festival is.” He said, “Have to love Easter, baby.”
Friend- "That's not true, there is no such law anywhere in middle east". Me- "Yeah, but you need to be above 13 to use Facebook".
… are really going against the grain.
Let us reflect on this
All I wanted was one nightstand.
Now that I listen to full albums, I hardly leave the house.