Does a Picture Count as a Caption?
What did one bone say to another bone?
Letâs meet up and share a joint.
Right enough of these â2020 visionâ jokes
I donât want to make a spectacle of myself
I named my eraser Confidence…
Because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.
Where do little jokes come from?
Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke at a bar and then they knock knock.
My friends accused me that I have no sense of direction
So I grabbed my things and right.
‘NSFW’ A lioness has mating period in the zoo, but they have no lion.
So a worker asks the owner: -What should we do? -Ask dumb Jimmy, our zookeeper, he'll probably fuck her for couple hundred bucks. So the worker goes to Jimmy: -Hey Jim, would you fuck a lioness for 200$ bucks? -With pleasure, but I don't have the money now, can you cut it from my salary?
My wife claims she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
Iâm worried she wonât be able to pull it off.
The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
No text found
How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They'll just beat the room for being black.
What do you call a mute bodyguard?
A silent knight.
Why are there no cases of COVID-19 in Antarctica?
Because they're ice-o-lated
If you boil a funny bone…
It becomes a laughing stock. You better upvote this because… Itâs Humerus.
My wife complains that I donât buy her flowers.
To be honest, I didnât know she sold flowers.
Dad jokes are important
They are a big part of pop culture
An old man sought out a doctor for a sperm count…
The doctor gave him a sample pot and said: "Take this and bring it back tomorrow with a sperm sample." The following day, the old man returned and gave the pot back to the doctor. It was empty as the day before. Confused, the doctor asked what happened. The old man explained: "You see, doc, this is how it went: first, I tried with my right hand and nothing. Then, I tried with my left hand, still nothing. So I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, with her left one, but nothing. Next she tried with her mouth – first with her teeth, then without them, and nothing. We even called our neighbor and she also tried. First with both hands, then with her armpit and lastly, squeezing it between her knees, but nothing." The doctor was shocked: "You asked your neighbor for help?!" "Yes, doc. But neither of us could open the damn pot."
Can we take a serious moment to raise awareness about the North Atlantic Garbage Patch?
Not enough people really talk about England very much
I finally cut ties with someone who was dragging me down.
Mountain climbing with a friend is hard.
I was attacked by 1,3,5,7, and 9
The odds were against me
Modern comic relying on a 1970s/early 80s commercial reference for Reeseâs cups
https://ift.tt/33ypmvc
A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment building
A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment building. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes of flirting, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming." He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It has to be your ears." Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100 percent natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin, not a blemish anywhere, how can you say the best part of my body is my ears?" Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside when you heard someone coming… that was me"
Went to a theater and my dumb friends wouldnât sit together.
We ended up getting into a row.
Kids in a class are learning how to use the word âdefinitelyâ
One girl says âthe sky is definitely blueâ that is wrong One boy says âthe leaves are definitely greenâ that is wrong One boy asks âare farts lumpy?â The teacher says no, He says âthen I definitely shit my pantsâ
There are 10 kinds of people in the world.Those who understand binary and those who dont.
https://ift.tt/37g9Ztt
I say no to alcohol.
It just doesnât listen.
Why couldn’t the coast guard rescue the hippie?
Because he was too far out
But then you realise it’s the only worthwhile thing you can do as a CS major.
https://ift.tt/2rLQp7v
What does an air conditioner have in common with a computer?
They both lose efficiency as soon as you open windows.
