Does a Picture Count as a Caption?
Based on an uneducated audience and a poor health care system.
He really did.
Ayn Rand is not amused. 🇺🇸
What did one bone say to another bone?
Let’s meet up and share a joint.
Teaching the chatbot to use reddit
it happens to me often
Right enough of these “2020 vision” jokes
I don’t want to make a spectacle of myself
Are you really in- charge here?
I named my eraser Confidence…
Because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.
La Brea (The Only Tar Pits For Me)
Where do little jokes come from?
Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke at a bar and then they knock knock.
My friends accused me that I have no sense of direction
So I grabbed my things and right.
Donald Trump in a nutshell
‘NSFW’ A lioness has mating period in the zoo, but they have no lion.
So a worker asks the owner: -What should we do? -Ask dumb Jimmy, our zookeeper, he'll probably fuck her for couple hundred bucks. So the worker goes to Jimmy: -Hey Jim, would you fuck a lioness for 200$ bucks? -With pleasure, but I don't have the money now, can you cut it from my salary?
My wife claims she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I’m worried she won’t be able to pull it off.
The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
No text found
Found a wholesome edit and it made me smile
How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They'll just beat the room for being black.
Lock him up! Lock him up!
What do you call a mute bodyguard?
A silent knight.
r.I.P tO a lEGenD
TSA – Trump Sycophancy Administration
Why are there no cases of COVID-19 in Antarctica?
Because they're ice-o-lated
If you boil a funny bone…
It becomes a laughing stock. You better upvote this because… It’s Humerus.
My wife complains that I don’t buy her flowers.
To be honest, I didn’t know she sold flowers.
blinded by love
This is really true
Dad jokes are important
They are a big part of pop culture
An old man sought out a doctor for a sperm count…
The doctor gave him a sample pot and said: "Take this and bring it back tomorrow with a sperm sample." The following day, the old man returned and gave the pot back to the doctor. It was empty as the day before. Confused, the doctor asked what happened. The old man explained: "You see, doc, this is how it went: first, I tried with my right hand and nothing. Then, I tried with my left hand, still nothing. So I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, with her left one, but nothing. Next she tried with her mouth – first with her teeth, then without them, and nothing. We even called our neighbor and she also tried. First with both hands, then with her armpit and lastly, squeezing it between her knees, but nothing." The doctor was shocked: "You asked your neighbor for help?!" "Yes, doc. But neither of us could open the damn pot."
Can we take a serious moment to raise awareness about the North Atlantic Garbage Patch?
Not enough people really talk about England very much
I finally cut ties with someone who was dragging me down.
Mountain climbing with a friend is hard.
BUT…BUT…I HAVE A JOB!
CNN has had enough of Trump’s bs
Bus Not Found
I was attacked by 1,3,5,7, and 9
The odds were against me
Modern comic relying on a 1970s/early 80s commercial reference for Reese’s cups
“But muh freedum!”
From MAGA to NADA.
A uniquely American tragedy.
HE FINALLY ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING OBAMA COULDN’T
Jupiter will always be my number 1
A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment building
A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment building. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes of flirting, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming." He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It has to be your ears." Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100 percent natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin, not a blemish anywhere, how can you say the best part of my body is my ears?" Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside when you heard someone coming… that was me"
How the news about oldest person on earth feel
Went to a theater and my dumb friends wouldn’t sit together.
We ended up getting into a row.
Kids in a class are learning how to use the word “definitely”
One girl says “the sky is definitely blue” that is wrong One boy says “the leaves are definitely green” that is wrong One boy asks “are farts lumpy?” The teacher says no, He says “then I definitely shit my pants”
There are 10 kinds of people in the world.Those who understand binary and those who dont.
I say no to alcohol.
It just doesn’t listen.
Social media bad, board games good
Why couldn’t the coast guard rescue the hippie?
Because he was too far out
But then you realise it’s the only worthwhile thing you can do as a CS major.
Now i wanna know what the fuck owner looks like
What does an air conditioner have in common with a computer?
They both lose efficiency as soon as you open windows.
At least it’s not “technology bad”
From an old local Spanish newspaper
Currently written inside Chinese University of Hong Kong