Does a whole snapchat category count?
What do you call a bee’s stinger region?
Its bee-hind!
What did Charizard say to Pikachu?
Charizard
All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh…
But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme…
Where do you find a no-legged dog?
Right where you left him.
A legit conversation today with my 2 1/2 year old son as we do our daily stroll past a train station that for once, has no trains stationed…
Son: Daddy, where is Thomas? Daddy: I don’t know, mate. Son: He must be working from home today. Is this his first dad joke?? Strange what they must be picking up from conversations. Got me good.
Son: “Hey Dad, how does a sundial work?”
*Dad hands Son a phone* Dad: "Ok, now just call someone." Son: "Why can't you do it?" Dad: "Because that would be a daddial."
What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?
No more jokes about the profit.
My favorite sex position is called WOW.
It’s where I flip your MOM over.
I tied all my watches to my belt
too bad it was a waist of time.
My friend changed his name from William to Lawrence
That’s how a Bill becomes a Law.
Who can carry petrol?
Jerry can
Why do pirates love this subreddit?
It be the best place to exchange stolen content for gold.
![why santa might be a republican [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/2xji7kgfnl641-400x369.jpg)
One day, little Bobby’s parents decided to have sex
So to get him out of the house they tell him to go to the balcony and count the number of red cars on the road, Bobby says sure and goes out. After they've finished having sex they call him inside and ask him " So how many red cars did you see?", Bobby says " I didn't see any red cars but I found out our neighbours Mr and Mrs Smith were fucking" his dad laughs and says "That’s funny, did they leave the curtains open?” In return, Bobby says out loud, "No I saw their son on the balcony counting red cars"
Cashier at Publix asked if we wanted the milk in a bag…
I told her to please leave it in the jug. My wife eye-rolled SO hard and then apologized to the cashier 😀 The cashier was laughing though, so I'll take the win.
What’s the difference between inlaws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
I went to visit a psychic,
I knocked on her front door and she yelled “Who is it”? So I left
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It's fine, he woke up.
The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?" Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said that?" Helen: "Your husband." Wife: "Oh." Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Who said that?" Helen: "Your husband." Wife: "Oh." Helen: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you." Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?" Helen: "No, the gardener did." Wife: "So, how much do you want?"
While Trump goes off the rails about Russians helping Sanders lets not forget.
https://ift.tt/2unJRh4