Does….does that even fit here?
“I had sex with another woman last night,” he tells her. “But I was thinking of you the whole time.” “You miss me that much?” she asks. “No,” he says. “But it kept me from cumming too fast.
There was no coffin at his funeral!
But she said no. She believes I’m just after my money.
Was walking down the street yesterday, seen an ad in the shop window. “T.V FOR SALE, €1, VOLUME STUCK ON FULL”
I said, can't turn that down.
She said because Russian porn gets me Soviet
But all my friends are at least 30.
he'll be born in may.
Schwepped her off her feet…
From the second HAND shop
A man heard that masturbating before sex often helped blokes last longer during the act. The man decided to give it a try. He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to wank. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to the big finish, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."
I have always wanted to be generous to a fault.
Because when he found the position, he couldn't find the momentum. And when he found the momentum, he couldn't find the position.
The plan is to shoot it in front of a live audience.
Finally my high school karate lessons came of some use.
Long enough to cover the subject, short enough to keep it interesting
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Yes it is.
He learned fish swim in schools
Because it was two-tired
It's the first time they'll see 2020
The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?" Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter. Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!". The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're stupid. Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."
Which means no one can cross the finish line.
Doesn’t matter, he ain’t coming.
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere. She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China. she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds. she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed. Best thing that has ever happened in my life.
I thought, "I can't turn that down."
Terminating com surrogate twice.
Because she's an on-call-ogist
…I still love vista baby.