Does this count?
This dude had beautiful long hair 5 years ago. Very funny comment but also Oof.
https://ift.tt/2ywG2Za
Justice is best served cold.
Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
Why can’t melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe
My wife says that she will have butt sex if this hits the front page by the morning.
Please don't upvote she is on a business trip until tuesday.
I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job…
We haggled for a few minutes and he gave me a 5% raise. Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, “By the way, which companies are after you?” I responded, “The gas, electric and cable company.”
Did you hear about the guy who’s been pick-pocketing midgets?
I can't believe someone would stoop so low!
Dad what is Mozart doing now?
He is de-composing.
My girlfriend is turning 32 soon…
I've told her not to get her hopes up. "After all," I say, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute." When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday." For the life of me, I can't figure why doesn't think this is hilarious. I keep making sure to remind her of it every time we are around new people. Hopefully if she hears the joke enough she will start to appreciate it.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous
I'm seeing a lot of new faces here in the crowd this week and I have to say I am very disappointed.
My wife caught me cross dressing and told me it was over.
So I packed all her clothes and left.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don't like the taste of monkey.
What do English teachers do on Reddit?
Edit: grammar
The pulley is the most egotistical of all machines.
It’s always the centre of a tension.
I told my Asian parents that I am Asexual
They were disappointed that I wasn't A+sexual.
Why couldn’t the carpenter and the lumberjack get along
They saw things differently
What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexia Association
A newbee hunter asked a experienced old hunter how to hunt bears
The old man answered:" It is easy, my son. I've hunted hundreds of bears in my life. You just need to grab your gun and take a ride to some mountains nearby. Firsrt, find a cave or stone cavern that might shelter a bear. Second, make some 'Woo! Woo!' sound so that the bear inside would mistake it as a signal of its companion. It would also produce that same sound as a feedback. After it comes out, you just pull the trigger. Easy? " The newbee nodded and exited without coming back for months. After a long time, the old hunter saw that newbee on a street and found him crippled, with an ear lost and an eye blind. He asked him what happened. The newbee says:" I did as what you told me before. But god damn it, when something inside that cavern answered my 'Woo! Woo!', I didn't expect a train would come out and hit me!" PS: I saw this one days ago and translated it from Chinese to English. Might be some grammar errors.
Coronavirus isn’t Trumps Fault. Ebola wasn’t Obama’s Fault. Sars wasn’t Brush’s fault….
And only a handful of cases of herpes were Clinton's fault.
![….yep [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/5rnyflkg09q41-1-400x413.png)
My wife was abducted by a gang of mimes.
They did unspeakable things to her.
Last night I sawa host of pale, emaciated figures, with haunted eyes that showed the agony of living death.
It was my first time in a vegan restaurant.
What does a robot do during a one night stand?
He nuts and bolts.
What do you call a cardigan that you don’t wear anymore?
A Discardigan.
Two Dragons walk into a bar
Dragon 1: It's hot in here Dragon 2: Shut your mouth
Did you hear cheese and meat sales have gone up in India?
Apparently there is a New Delhi.
How to tell the gender of an ant?
If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats…
I don’t like people that take drugs.
Airport security, for example.
Nurse: I’m going to deliver the baby
Me: Actually, we'd like him to keep his liver
Help me out with my uni assignment by completing this survey :(
Hey old fellas of boomer. It would be great if y’all take some time to fill out this quick survey I’m conducting for my uni assignment. Try to make your answers long pleaseeehttps://ift.tt/3ayaejr