does this fit? poor kid evidently fell but i cant help but laugh (xpost kidsarefuckingstupid i think)
It's fucking r/aww
It may, Fri 10 you.
My construction company failed after a competitor started a viscous rumor that I build houses without a foundation
It was a baseless accusation
Me: thanks for reminding me
In the end you ignore it all and just click "I agree"
Could this be a red flag?
and it doesn't.
But really it was just him putting words in my mouth.
It's really gonna spice up the autobiography.
All of their friends swear, but it's just never been their thing. But tomorrow is the day! They decide to have a sleepover so they can start swearing together. The morning comes and both boys wake up excitedly and head downstairs to breakfast. The mother asked her son "what would you like for breakfast?" Her son replies "I'll take some fruit loops bitch." The mother immediately smacks the kid upside the head and sends him back to his room. She turns to the boys friend and says "I'm so sorry you had to see that, what would you like for breakfast?" The boy looks a little scared a replies "I don't know, but definitely not fucking fruit loops."
Which makes me an eighth theist.
Because if you sugarcoat the facts, they'll eat them too.
Because he's always in stitches!
"Hey Adam, I have two new organs for you," said god "What are they?" Adam Replied "Well," said God, "We have a brain, which will let you make intelligent decisions and hold conversations with Eve." "That's Great!" Adam said, "What's the other one?" "That would be a penis," God replied, "It will let you make offspring to populate the Earth. However, there is one downside." Adam asked, "What is it?" "Well, I only have enough blood to let you use one at a time."
Bamboo is an invasive species in my area that spreads quickly, can take over your yard, and is very hard to get rid of.
That's why they don't call it bamhooray.
But then i turned myself around.
It was here a minute ago Edit : fixed the spelling
In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?""What do you mean strange?""Because you sell only trumpets and guns!""So?""Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?""It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
Because he conditioned it.
and people are lined up for blocks.
A time traveler walks into a bar
They're the reason ice mocha lot of weed
But when I do, he laughs.
I also told him she wants him to clean his room
Me: Leave that to me later at dinner Her dad: coughs I need water Me: Oh no! Grandpa needs water!