Doing my homework the teacher sent us this comic strip
A young Arab boy asks his father “What is that strange hat you are wearing?”
The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.” "And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy. “Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body." The son then asked: "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?” "These are 'babouches' my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches keep us from burning our feet." "So tell me then," added the boy. "Yes, my son…” "Why are we living in London and still wearing all this shit?
My brother got fired from the mortuary for kissing the dead on the throat.
Turns out he was a neck romancer.
The Dow Jones drops more than 2000 points today. How long before Trump blames Obama?
https://ift.tt/2IAyOVb
Accordion to a recent study, 90% of people didn’t realize
I put an instrument at the start of this sentence.
Joseph Stalin is giving a speech to his army.
When all of the sudden in the midst of a paticularly moving segment, he hears a loud, uproarious sneeze coming from amongst the crowd. Stalin stops speaking, glares at the soldiers, becomes very visibly annoyed, and says "Who sneezed?…" All of the soldiers don't say anything, some of them start to sweat and others nervously glance around. After a brief moment Stalin motions towards a few soldiers with him on the stage. "Execute the first row…" he commands, and the soldiers on stage begin opening fire at the first row of troops on the ground. "I'll ask again, who sneezed?" says Stalin. Another pause, and no one speaks up. Finally Stalin says "Execute the…" but before he can finish, a soldier about 4 rows back raises his hand and says "It was me General Secretary Stalin! I'm the one who sneezed." Stalin then stares cold and hard at the soldier who spoke up for an uncomfortable amount of time, before he leans towards his microphone and says "Bless you."
I don’t get why everybody hates Hitler.
I mean, he killed the leader of the Nazi party for god sakes.
How do you feed 1000 people with one loaf of bread?
You cut the ends and now you have endless bread. Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter.
“Darling, I have to tell you something”
A husband says to his wife: "Darling, I have to tell you something" Wife replies: "What?" Husband: "I don't know how to say this" Wife: "What?" Husband: "I don't even know if I should tell you" Wife: "What?" Husband: "You're completely deaf" Wife: "What?"
If anyone needs a tip on where to store leftover Halloween candy…
I’ve got a few Twix up my sleeve.
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean
What’s the difference between a boner and a bonus?
You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your bonus.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT THAT I KNIGHTED AN ELECTRIC FISH…..
IT WAS SIR EEL
Walmart will be closed for Christmas
so that both cashiers can spend time with their families.
What room do ghosts avoid?
The living room
r/PoliticalHumor 2019 Best Of Awards!
It’s time for Reddit’s Best of 2019 Awards.What a year it’s been here in r/politicalhumor, thanks to everyone for participating.Make your nominations here and/or upvote your favorites.You are welcome to categorize your nominations, i.e:Best PostBest CommentBest of YearOnly one nomination per comment. Please do not nominate yourself. You may only nominate submissions made in 2019.This thread is set to contest mode which sorts comments randomly and hides vote scores. In January, the votes will be tallied and a results thread will be posted. We will give reddit gold to the top submissions!
Here is joke about Canada don’t take it seriously
Credits to u/commonschemeforyou God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world" The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"
Made a poker table full of strangers groan last night.
I’ve never been so happy to make everyone at a table hate me. Another player and I were getting into a pretty big pot at the Texas Hold Em table at my local casino last night. Towards the end of the hand, he went “all-in” meaning he bet all of the rest of his chips. When he pushed his stacks of chips in the middle, there was a really long hair hanging off of the chips that stayed attached to the top of his chip stack. When the dealer counted up his stack he said “the bet is $205” And I replied “ah, so just a hair over 200 dollars then??” I’ve never wanted kids, but the audible groans I was rewarded with are now making me think I might be ignoring my calling.
I hope Death is a woman
That way it will never come for me
My sister bet me a thousand dollars that I could not build a car out of noodles.
You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!
Hello Earthlings from Vortex.
Hello Earthlings from Vortex.
Why do the french only use one egg when baking a cake?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
Last night, I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish while I went to the bar…
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armor…
Bricks are the happiest construction materials.
They're always getting laid.
I would tell you guys a joke about this girl I know who only eats greens, however
You guys probably never heard of herbivore
A dwarf walks into a
A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass. The madam asks how she can help him. He says "I need a woman for mine has left me." The madam says "Whatever for? And what are the honeycomb and jackass for?" The dwarf says, "my wife found a genie that could grant her three wishes. For the first wish she asked for a house fit for a queen, so he gave her this honeycomb, the second wish she asked for the nicest ass in all the land, so he gave her this Jackass. The madam then asks "what about the third wish?" "She asked the genie for my cock to hang down past my knee." "That's not so bad." "Not so bad?" Spluttered the dwarf "I used to be 6 foot 3!"
There’s no way video games cause violence.
If they did, school shootings would involve a LOT more tea bagging.
You’ll be buried with small pupils if you pass away before dusk.
But not if you die late.
What do you call a beehive without an exit?
Unbelievable
[Warning: 18+]
19.
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
Dad: I can’t believe you got me a house for my birthday!!
Son: I hope you enjoy it. Dad: From now on,…… I’ll start living in the present.
What do you call a muscular Arab?
Protein Sheikh.