Donald and the Giant Impeach
So this Koala was really into soccer…
It trained and trained, and finally went to try out for the koala national soccer team. And wouldn't you know it? It made the team! It was so excited. But the night before it's first big game… POOF! It turned into a giraffe. It got dis-koala-fied.
I’m reading a horror novel in Braille
Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it.
Thank you student loans for getting me through college.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you.
Hi, I’m Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.
Neil before me.
What do you call a one-legged hippo?
A hoppo My 4 year old cousin thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world
Is this sub still active?
There haven't been any posts all year! australia squad
I got a really ugly looking calculator for Christmas.
But it is what is on the inside that counts.
Why didn’t the Mexican archer fire his bow?
He didn’t habanero
It’s easy to deter the ladies from eating tide pods but…
it’s more difficult to deter…gents
Jack goes to his buddy Bob and says … “I’m sleeping with the priest’s wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?”
The friend doesn't like it but being a buddy, he agrees. After mass, Bob starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the priest gets annoyed and asks him what he's really up to. Bob feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest… "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied." The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bob's shoulder and says… “You better hurry home now, my wife died a year ago"
(OC) How do you say goodnight to a tortilla chip?
Buenos Nachos!
Anybody wanna be in a platonic relationship?
I'm asking for a friend.
A married man left work early on Friday and went out for a few drinks with the boys. Instead of going home, however, he ended up partying with them all weekend and spent his entire pay check.
When he finally returned home on Sunday, his wife was furious and berated him excessively. After a couple of hours of nagging and scolding, she asked him "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?!?" "That would suit me just fine!!" the man said. Well…Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday went by with the same result. Wednesday came and went and the man still hadn't seen his wife. Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little, just out of the corner of his left eye.
I went to the doctors recently He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty” I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”
He said, “No. Fatty, don’t eat anything
A man goes to do the doctor for a physical. He tells the not to be alarmed but he has 5 penises.
The doctor says, “5 penises!? How do you pants fit?” The man replies “Like a glove.”
One day, God met with Adam in the garden of Eden
"Hey Adam, I have two new organs for you," said god "What are they?" Adam Replied "Well," said God, "We have a brain, which will let you make intelligent decisions and hold conversations with Eve." "That's Great!" Adam said, "What's the other one?" "That would be a penis," God replied, "It will let you make offspring to populate the Earth. However, there is one downside." Adam asked, "What is it?" "Well, I only have enough blood to let you use one at a time."
An Irishman applied for a job working with the local blacksmith.
“Have you ever shoed horses before?” the blacksmith asked him. “No,” replied the Irishman, “but I did tell a donkey to fuck off once.”
Attila walks into a quaint Southern diner.
Waitress says, “What can I get you, Hun?”
A physicist sees a man about to jump off of the Empire State Building…
He yells,” Don’t do it, you have too much potential”
ation.
https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/ap9gqf/i_have_a_phd_in_procrastin/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app
What can the coronavirus do that the us government can’t?
Stop school shootings
Standing on office chairs.
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Hypothermia is the coolest way to die
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Did you hear about the the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, but no atmosphere
What is 6.9?
Another great thing ruined by a period.
How do you send warships via email?
Google Docks
