Don’t be sad, iron. You did asbestos you can.
Pulled on a door that required a push,
should have handled that better.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas.
Can't wait to see his face light up, when he opens it.
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra
You can never find the barcode
Among all the politically incorrect jokes I know, hereβs my favourite:
Benjamin Franklin was the greatest US President.
One of my hair accessories is angry and it’s amusing to watch, but I don’t know what to do now.
I don't want to comb placate things.
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor? Me: No, just the regular one
Bought a dog from a blacksmith and as soon as I got it homeβ¦
β¦it made a bolt for the door.
I used to bang a set of twins…
People always asked how I could tell them apart. I said it's easy, Mary always paints her nails purple and George has a cock.
My girlfriend got mad at me because I had sex with her twin…
…I told her it wasnt my fault, they look just alike. But she didnt believe me because her hair is a lot longer than his.
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set all by my self.In a moment of panic,I threw a bedsheet over it
I think I managed to cover my tracks
What do you give a cannibal who’s late for dinner
The cold shoulder
I really owe a lot to sidewalks.
They've been keeping me off the streets for years.
Iβm still single on Star Wars Day…
Apparently Iβve been looking for love in Alderaan places.
What’s the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
A literalist takes things literally and a kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.Β
A son walks in on his parents having sex NSFW
The parents see the boy and he runs off to his room. The mother puts on her robe and goes into the boys room The boy ask his mother what she was doing. βYou know how daddy has a big stomach? Sometimes mummy has to get on top of daddy and flatten it.β βYouβre wasting your timeβ says the boy. The mother confused asks βwhat do you mean?β βWell when you go to the supermarket the woman next door comes over and blows him back up.β
Believing in 12.5% of the Bible
Makes you an eighth thiest.
I signed up for my companyβs 401k but I have one concern
Iβm not sure I can run that far
I can’t stand when people kick me in the back of the leg
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A little boy asked his mother one day…
"Mother, is god a man or a woman?" Mother thought about it, all the debates and political correctness and works… And replied "both". The boy went away in deep thoughts for a while and came back. "Mother, is god black or white?" She thought of the history and racial politics and stuff and replied "both". The boy again in deep thoughts went away for a while and came back. "Mother, is god gay or straight?" She thought of that aspect and replied "both". The little boy jumped with joy and exclaimed "I got it! I got it! It's Michael Jackson!" Note – It's not my joke, only sharing.
What did the authorities do when Barbie’s boyfriend was involved in a serious car accident?
They contacted his next of Ken. That's a damn good joke. I'm proud of that joke.
I just learned the medical name for viagra
Mycoxaflopin
If someone asks you to spell part backwards. Don’t
It's a trap.
Teacher : Why didn’t you come to the school yesterday?
Student : My dad is in the hospital 1 week later.. Teacher : Is your dad still in the hospital? Student : Yes, he is a doctor.
Pilot, copilot joke.
Pilot and copilot are getting ready to land. The pilot says, "I've heard this airport runway is pretty short so I may call for some extra flaps. The copilot acknowledges. They break through the clouds and see the runway. The pilot says to the copilot, "yeah, that's a pretty short runway. Give me quarter flaps. Copilot adds quarter flaps. They get closer. The pilot says, "Damn, this runway's is pretty short. Give me half flaps. Copilot looking a bit nervous gives him half flaps. The pilot now is getting pretty nervous, "crap that's a short runway, give me three quarter flaps!" The copilot starting to sweat gives me three quarter flaps. They're about to touch down. The pilot yells, "holy crap this is a short runway! Give me full flaps!" The copilot panicking gives him full flaps. They touch down apply full brakes and reversers and somehow manage to stop the plane. After they come to a halt, the pilot wipes his brow and says, "damn! That was the shortest runway I've ever landed on!" The copilot looks around and says, "yeah, but sure is wide".
![Assault and Pepper [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/wyfla1s8f4n41-400x498.png)
Lots of violence could have been prevented in the old west
If only cowboy architects had made the towns big enough for everyone.
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars and I said to myself,
βMy roof has disappearedβ
