During a war, Communists are Russian
The Japanese are just loli-gagging.
Come on guys it's a dead giveaway
…but I don’t believe him…
Gay. Definitely at least a little gay.
So that I could fit the rest of the socks in the drawer
Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.
That’s just how I roll.
…after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape. "You see, " Carl says "for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and it comes out broken down into it's components." Jim is skeptical, but intrigued. Carl continues: "For the last five years, I've been swallowing pieces off my uniform. It's perfect, because the guards just think it's rats chewing on it." So Jim asks, "Well, what does that have to do with me? How can I help?" Carl says "Well, the pieces of fabric come out as individual fibers. I figure by this time next year, we'll have enough to fashion enough rope to get over the wall. I just need you to tie the fibers." Jim, disgusted, says "You have got to be kidding me!" And Carl says "I shit. You knot."
Would I be mist?
But now I stand corrected
Because all of the fans left.
Therapist: Why ? Patient: Yes!
He really Haddaway with words.
But when a girl sleeps with a ton of guys, I’m somehow never one of them.
Pencils posed a problem, 2B or not 2B
There was an island with three kingdoms on it. Let's call them A, B and C. The island had a fresh water lake on it and the lake itself had an island. The three kingdoms always kept fighting over this island. One day the three kingdoms decided to settle this dispute once it for all and sent small portions of their armies. Kingdom A sent 15 knights and 25 squires; kingdom B send 20 knights and 25 squires and Kingdom C sent one knight and one squire. The knights decided among themselves that this fighting was beneath them and decided to let the squires settle things by themselves. While the squires of Kingdom A and Kingdom B were warming up, the squire of Kingdom C erected a tall pole, tied a noose to it and hung a pot in the noose. When they actually started fighting, the squire of kingdom C was able to successfully fight off all the other squires, because the squire of the high-pot-and-noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
Should get a nobell prize
But I keep punching up the fuck line.
He's just not sure that radiocarbon is the most reliable method.
I always need to console myself.
My response, “I can’t help it, it’s mourning wood”
Because he's afraid to go into the krypt tonite!
Like roman numerals.
50 Cents featuring Nickel back
My son came up to me and said, “can I have a bookmark?” I started crying, 10 years and he still doesn’t know my name is brad.