Ed Sheeran is not convincing me
Sure makes for awkward sex on the first two
Because it's an emergent sea.
Well of course Dad jokes! Dad is hilarious!
About eight bucks, nine during bad weather.
…if it were served warm, it would be justwater…
I haven’t heard from him since.
Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
I told him "Dad, I found the paperwork. I know" Dad said "What paperwork? What did you find?" "I'm adopted" He replied "Hi adopted! I'm- oh, wait. Nevermind."
"Usually to avoid answering questions like these," I replied.
It'll always be stationery.
"Well, I've only got my shelf to blame"
My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.
He walks up to the front desk and introduces himself. "Hello, I identify as a chocolate bar. Can I join?" The receptionist replies "Sir, that's disgraceful! You're mocking the community. We're going to have to ask you to leave." "You can't call me sir!" The man exclaims. "I use her/shey pronouns."
Dad: Yes, the Brits left.
A chemical warehouse was robbed at gunpoint, the assailants cleaned out all stores of substances with pH above 7.
"All your base are belong to us"
Because there's a new issue with you every fucking day.
I should be sad, but I'm knot.
Because they're still alive.