Educated Poor people bad (Facebook)
She seemed surprised…
Please answer quickly
It’s f*cking close to water.
He said that's music to his heirs
A reptile dysfunction!
Someone ordered meatballs and Ikea sends them a cow with DIY instructions
People always asked how I could tell them apart. I said it's easy, Mary always paints her nails purple and George has a cock.
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
Eventually one guys looks over and sees the other is just standing there holding a pole. "Wears your shovel?" "Yeah, it sure does."
The tree’s bark.
Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?" Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter." Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister." The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later: Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!" Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?" Son: "It's Angela, the other neighbor's daughter." Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister." This went on a few more times, and finally the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying. Son: "Mom, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls and I can't date any of them because dad is their father!" The mother hugs him affectionately and says, "You can date whoever you want. He isn't your father!"
Son: “Dad, did you know that in some cultures, you don’t get to know your wife until after your married?”
Dad: “Son, it’s that way in every culture.”
A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband's parents." The judge took a deep breath and asked, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No,we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cuz we don't have a car." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music – all that hip hop and rap tap – but we can't seem to do anything about it." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee." The judge asked, "Is your husband a nagger?" "Oh, hell no, he's as white as you and me!" Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why in hell do you want a divorce? "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The damn fool says he can't communicate with me."
I guess they don't appreciate random people coming to their door.
they'd eventually find me attractive.
Find out after the break!
I can fall asleep with a light on.
They can't shake it so they need to blow dry.
Nobody expects the spanish ink precision
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have!" He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby." He takes off his pants and the blonde says,' "What massive calves you have!" The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby." He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that. The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"
Worst postcard ever.
but she broke up with me due to incorrect use of the colon
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
They were prime mates.
I bet they'd all dig me if I lived in a bigger car.
Just to let her know I was thinking of her.
He replied, "Well, yeah. 'Spigoted."