Eh ?…….
The Australians once killed a bunch of rabbits and proved this. Evolution be sick sometimes.
https://ift.tt/3bpzxoQ
The creator of the throat lozenge has died.
There will be no coffin at his funeral.
I am ok with alcohol, cigarettes, and even marijuana.
But cocaine is where I draw the line.
A woman in labor suddenly shouted……..
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!" "Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."
Did you know there was a Knight who always refused to fight in battle?
His name was Sir Render.
What do you call a psychic dwarf that escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?
Because it was well armed.
My wife hasn’t said a word to me in 6 days.
What's even better is, she thinks it's punishment.
Mom moves expensive cuts of beef into the top shelf.
Dad: The steaks have never been higher.
The creator of the USB drive died yesterday.
He was lowered into the coffin, flipped over, and then lowered again.
When is a door not a door?
When it’s ajar.
You’ve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for….
Times new ramen!
What do you call a belt made out of watches?
A waist of time.
Modern comic relying on a 1970s/early 80s commercial reference for Reese’s cups
https://ift.tt/33ypmvc
What’s a group of Chubby newborns called?
Heavy Infantry
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack
Flummoxed, I asked my wife, “Honey, the kids don’t want to eat their vegetables. What do you want me to do?” She shouted back from the other room, “That’s fine. Just throw them out, dear!”
Later, I told them, "Look, I'm just as surprised as you are!" as I helped them pack their suitcases…
The seminar “How To Avoid Frauds” is cancelled…
Tickets are non-refundable…
Most people think that the word “Queue” is just the letter “Q” followed by four silent letters. But they are not silent.
They are just waiting their turn.
My friend got mad at me for smelling his sisters underwear.
I don’t know if it was because she was still wearing them or because the rest of the family was there. Either way it made the rest of the funeral very awkward.
Why does Waldo wear stripes
Because he doesn't want to be spotted
I have a maths joke
But I’m 2² to say it
I told my wife I was thinking about buying an expensive watch.
Her: How expensive? Me: I dunno. Maybe $25,000. Her: You could buy a car for that! Me: That's a bit excessive — I don't think it needs its own car.
Why does England feel like it’s two months ahead of us?
It's only March 28th here, but in England it feels like it's the end of May.
Did you hear about the the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, but no atmosphere
Just walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.
Well, that was a trip down memory lane.
