Einstein and his bad day
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If Joe biden becomes president,
the white house will become forbiden
Why do potatoes make great crime fighters?
Because they always keep their eyes peeled.
A man made a mistake in an elevator.
He was wrong on many levels.
I took my dog, Flip, to the skate park with my son. I swear that kid is crazy.
He said, "Dad, do you want to see me kick Flip?"
I’ve just started reading my first ever Braille horror story.
I think that something scary is about to happen, I can feel it.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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iron told carbon a joke so funny…
that he decided to steel it
I was thinking about the first time machine I ever built.
Ahhh, it takes me back.
(At the vet) “Doctor, my two pet birds seemed to be stuck together. What is going on?”
Vet: I have no idea. It’s toucan fusing.
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.
The fifth one was dead sirius.
Me: Sir, you can’t give me a ticket for speeding. I am planning to run a Marathon today.
Cop: Stop playing the race card.
I hope Death is a woman.
That way it will never come for me.
Someone let me know if this joke already kind of exists
Never date a bread maker, They’re so kneady.
Three men in a boat with three cigarettes but no matches, how do they smoke?
They throw one cigarette overboard and make the boat a cigarette lighter. (heard in the Adam West Batman series)
I’m going to join the Navy purely out of spite
I’m longing to become a Petty Officer.
What’s a web developer’s favourite tea?
URL Grey.
I was feeling lonely so I bought some shares
It's nice to have some company
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
