einstein pythagoras geek!
Another film has been released about a barrier in India.
It's a Sikh wall.
I was recently asked to name two structures that contain water
I responded "Well, dam"
I just watched a program about beavers
It was the best dam program I've ever seen
How do you make the number one disappear?
You just add a G, and it’s gone.
Why don’t cannibals like ramen
They prefer cooked men
Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the naked woman they find in there.
A startled, naked, man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go." The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that." The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"
I had a vasectomy so I wont have any kids…
Just got back home and they are still here…
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. NSFW
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, “What are you doing?” She answers, “I’m moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid £400 for doing what I do for you for free.” Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he’s going,he replies, “I’m coming too I want to see how you live on £800 a year”.
Daughter going through coupons for shopping trip.
I say "Are any of those gray?" She groans and says "How do you live with yourself?" I respond " I don't, I live with your mother".
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth theist.
BANG BANG BANG
A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber runs out and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay and the surgeon decides to leave the bullets where they are as it is too risky to operate. All is fine for 16 years and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. "What's wrong," asks the mother. "Well, mum, I was having a wee and this bullet came out," replies the daughter. The mother tells her it is okay and explains what happened 16 years before. About a week later the second daughter walks into the room in tears. "Mum, I was having a wee and this bullet came out." The mother tells her what happened 16 years before and tells her not to worry. Another week passes by and the son walks into the room in tears. "It's okay," says the mother, "I know what has happened, you were having a wee and a bullet came out." "No," says the boy, "I was having a w*nk and I've shot the dog."
My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandmother
until my mom took the urn from me.
Jesus and Moses are golfing in a threesome.
Moses tees off first and uncorks a high sailing slice. The ball plops into the middle of a lake. Unperturbed, Moses walks to the edge of the lake, raises his club, and the waters part. Moses chips onto the green. Jesus tees off next. He blades a worm-burner that heads for the lake, skipping thrice and coming to rest on top of the water. Jesus walks out onto the water and chips onto the green. The third gentlemen hooks the everliving shit out of the ball. It goes into the road, gets hit by a car, ricochets across the fairway to the lake, is gobbled up by a frog, who is snatched by a stork. As the stork flies over the green, the frog spits out the ball, which rolls into the cup. Moses turns to Jesus and says: “I hate playing with your Dad.”
I don’t know why i loves bad puns so much.
It’s just how eye roll i guess
Are beavers the best builders in the animal kingdom?
Dam right they are.
Did you hear about what happened to the guy from the keyboard factory?
He was fired for not putting in enough Shifts.
Whatever you do, don’t let anybody walk over you.
Especially if you go to a party dressed as a land mine.
Why are there two d’s in reddit?
The second one is a repost.
A police officer pulls over a speeding car…
The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.” The driver says, “Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.” Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: “Now don’t be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.” As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?” The wife smiles demurely and says, “You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.” As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, “Darn it, woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?” The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.” The driver says, “Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.” The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.” And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, “WHY DON’T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??” The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?” “Only when he’s been drinking.”
can you do it on the end?
can you do it on the end?
Why did the rapper get gold teeth?
He wanted to put his money where his mouth is
Robber ties up guy and a girl
A robber breaks into a house and ties up the girl and guy. The robber asks where the jewels are and the guy responds with: "I'll give you everything! Please, let her go…" Robber: "I only care about the jewels! I won't hurt you if you give me what I want…" Guy: "I BEG you, let her go!" Robber: "Wow, fine, you must really love your wife" Guy: "What? No…. My wife is about to get home!"
Why did China get invaded?
They weren't ready to face the Khansequences.
Anti-Vaxx parents hate it when you call their toddler’s outbursts a “temper tantrum.”
They prefer the term "mid-life crisis"
I used to think i was indecisive, now I’m not sure.
No text found
How do they make scissors at the factory?
With cutting edge technology.
OC boomer comics are now limited to Sundays. If it’s satire, it belongs on r/antiboomershumor
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We all know Albert Einstein was a genius…
…but his brother Frank was a monster.
What’s the difference between the Queen of England and computer cable?
One's a British WASP, the other is a USB.
What did the blood cell say before it died in an artery?
I will not die in vein!