Elon r u ok ?
Because it was two-tired
And boy are my arms legs
They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
Should have cooked it at aloha temperature
But people who rob bakeries really take the cake.
I disagree. I clearly have a father figure
Lovely woman, useless surgeon…
We're losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing
“I’d like to buy some tomatoes.” The clerk says, “I’m sorry ma’am, but we’re all out of tomatoes, and won’t have any for a few days.” So the woman leaves. A few hours later, the same woman shows up and says, “I’d like to buy some tomatoes.” The clerk says, “I apologize miss, but we’ll be out of tomatoes for the next few days. Actually, weren’t you in earlier today also? How about you give me your number and we’ll call when our shipment comes in.” So she gives him the number and leaves again. Just before the market is getting ready to close, the same woman comes in again and says, “I’d like to buy some tomatoes” The clerk, exasperated, pulls the woman aside and asks her, “Lady, what would you get if you took the sun out of a sunflower? The woman, sort of confused thinks and then replies, “well, I guess you’d have just a flower.” He says, “Great. Now, what would you get if you took the orange out of orange juice?” The woman, proud of herself responds, “you’d have only juice.” “Okay, good job. Now, what do you get if you take the fuck out of tomatoes?” Perplexed, she finally responds, “wait a minute, there’s no fuck in tomatoes.” He yells in her face, “That’s right, there’s no fuckin’ tomatoes!!!”
There were so many red flags.
There was no congestion for 8 hours.
when I got there, everyone else was in tuxedos.
and then there’s you, without both.
I had $1,000 extra in my pay last month, this month I was $1,000 short. When I reported it to payroll they asked me why I didn’t say anything when I got paid too much.
I told them, I'll tolerate one mistake but not two.
Just in case there's a salad dressing
…I’d be like “why do I keep getting all these fucking nickels?”
You can only ran through a campground, because it's past tents.
My son has asd and though he loves to read jokes and tries to understand why they are funny, introducing wit to him has been difficult. It was more of a surprise than a joke but here goes. We recently moved to India and my wife is missing outdoors and Europe and today she said – oh I really want to go to Disneyland! To which my son said- and I really want a twister! ( Ice lolly). My wife looked at him doting on his innocence and said- Baby your dreams are so simple and innocent! To which my son replied- yeah and yours probably won't come true!
Holding cows together
Sadly, no one approved of their relationship. In the old days no one like mixed race marriages.
Said the shower head.
They did unspeakable things to me.
R, I, and the seven c’s (Say aloud) XD this made me laugh, hope it brightens your day
I sleep in the dark.
We just clicked.
A lovely man. A terrible cabinet maker.
If I’m being objective, it is Dr. Whom.