Emojis in the title, huge black bars on the image, and a shitty caption. Disgusting.
I mean, its a court date but its still a date and I am getting dressed up
An older man strolled by and saw the boy. He stopped abruptly and asked "Hey kid, do you think it's a good idea to be eating a giant candy bar for breakfast?" The boy replied "I don't know, but my grandpappy lived to be 102 years old." The old man said "I'm sure he did, but he didn't eat giant candy bars for breakfast did he" The boy shook his head "Nope. he just minded his own fucking business."
I guess we are raised differently…
But I’m planning to give it a shot.
Terrible joke. 3 stars.
One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all of the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.
Man says "Once, in a Blue Moon."
He would boldly go where no man had gone before.
Cousin: I really want a dog this year. Wife: What kind do you want? Cousin: I’m really wanting a poodle. My Dad: Just wait until it rains. There will be plenty of “poudles” around. Everyone else : 🙄
…I told him he didn't understand… we were his parents, and he had ten minutes to pack.
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She’s chatting with St. Peter at the pearly gates when all of a sudden she hears the most bloodcurdling screams.
"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings." The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more loud and dreadful screams "Oh my God," says the old lady, "now what is happening?" "Not to worry," says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo." "I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to hell." "You can't go there," says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized." "Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that.
If it sinks, it's a girl ant If it floats, it's buoyant.
Turns out I came early.
Coworker: "Yes." Me: "Then you should get laid more often."
You can hide but you can't run.
I guess thats whats I deserve for having a Pure bread dog
when her husband is at the office. "Will you have sex with me?" he asks. "No. My husband wouldn't approve." "O.K. What if I give you $1000?" "Well, for a $1000 I think I will. Come back tomorrow afternoon when my husband is at work." So the man shows up next day and slaps $1000 on the table and they do whatever it was they did(!!!). In the evening her husband comes home a little distraught: "Was my best friend here today?" "Y-y-yes." his wife says with concern. "And did he leave $1000?" "Y-y-yes." she says expecting the worst. "Oh good, what a great pal he is. He came in this morning and asked if he could borrow $1000 from me and promised to return it this afternoon!"
Because he didn't see the ewe turn.
My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with wearing different clothes every half an hour…
“Wait!" I shouted. "I can change!"
When you pee on them, they disappear.
No text found
It has a nice ring to it.
It's got a lot to do today
He drank coffee before it was cool
It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth.
The bartender says “Sir, if you wanna punch, you gotta get in line.” The guy looks around but there is no punch line
… because no pun in ten did.