Epic
Imagine a woman with 12 breasts.
Sounds weird, dozen tit?
Today I actually saw a dwarf prisoner climb down a wall.
I thought to myself, now thats a little condescending.
A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.
The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you." The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five". The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?" "No" says the boy, "But he minded his own fucking business."
I used to shave my scrotum with a straight razor.
But since I got Parkinson's, I don't have the balls to do it anymore.
What’s 200 yards long and has an IQ of 40?
The queue to buy toilet paper at Walmart.
If you’re not part of the solution,
you're part of the precipitate.
What is it called when a cannonball eats another cannonball?
Cannonball-ism
![Chaplin + Chopin (sound on) [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/no_image_card-170-400x247.png)
I found out why everyone is collecting TP
It’s because an asteroid might hit us next month. ….. and … paper always beats rock
My wife and I were leaving for our night out.
Our babysitter smiled and said, 'Take as long as you like.' That was three years ago. I hope she likes being a parent.
Whats the rudest type of elf?
A gofuckyourself.
Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you.
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
I’m a time traveler, just arrived from 1990
It took me thirty years to get here.
r/PoliticalHumor 2019 Best Of Awards!
It’s time for Reddit’s Best of 2019 Awards.What a year it’s been here in r/politicalhumor, thanks to everyone for participating.Make your nominations here and/or upvote your favorites.You are welcome to categorize your nominations, i.e:Best PostBest CommentBest of YearOnly one nomination per comment. Please do not nominate yourself. You may only nominate submissions made in 2019.This thread is set to contest mode which sorts comments randomly and hides vote scores. In January, the votes will be tallied and a results thread will be posted. We will give reddit gold to the top submissions!
The government denied tax exemption for my church that believes Jesus spoke with a lisp
It was a real slap in the faith.
This new diet is working pretty well
I'm at my lowest weight of the year so far
I’ll never forget my grandfather’s last words…
Stop shaking the ladder you little shit
What are some funny fake user agents I could use to mess with our IT guys?
What would confuse the guys that build our app the most? IE 5.5 for Mac? Mosaic 0.9 on a PlayStation? An LG fridge?
A radio station was running a competition – words that weren’t in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.
DJ: “96 FM here, what’s your name?” Caller: “Hi, my name’s Dave.” DJ: “Dave, what’s your word?” Caller: “Goan… spelt G-O-A-N pronounced ‘go-an’.” DJ: “You are correct, Dave, ‘goan’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?” Caller: “Goan fuck yourself!” The DJ cut the caller off and took other calls, all unsuccessful until: DJ: “96 FM, what’s your name?” Caller: “Hi, me name’s Jeff.” DJ: “Jeff, what’s your word?” Caller: “Smee, spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced ‘smee’.” DJ: “You are correct, Jeff, ‘smee’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?” Caller: “Smee again! Goan fuck yourself!”
What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt
Why did the baby go to jail?
Because he was resisting a rest.
The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women
I was robbed by 6 dwarfs today.
Not happy.
I tried to introduce some new KPIs for my department at work today and everyone was really upset.
Americans really do hate the metric system.
How does the moon cut its hair?
Eclipse it.
How easy is it to get reddit karma?
It's a piece of cake.
I tried to tell some of my vaccinated friends a joke about measles.
But they just didn't get it.
Picked my dog up from getting fixed. This is how he looked. (He’s just fine today!)
https://ift.tt/3bSVqh1
What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
“Some asshole has my pen.”
Reverse cowgirl is set to be outlawed in Alabama.
Cause you don't turn your back on family.
All I got for Christmas was a pack of sticky cards.
It was difficult to deal with.
Want to hear my latest joke about the Fibonacci sequence?
It's as good as my previous two Fibonacci sequence jokes put together!
I left some change in my pants pocket
Now my wife is getting accused of laundering money.
A friend of mine, a mother of 4 refused to get her children vaccinated.
Edit : Mother of three.. Edit2 : Mother of two… Edit3 : Mother of one….. Edit4 : Mo.. Wait..
