Ever have your kid come up with a better punchline than your original?
I went to ask my daughter:
Where do you park when you visit the moon?
(Originally I was gonna say at the parking meteor!)
But straight faced she replies:
Anywhere you can find space.
Then she grinned… (she knew what she was doing)… space dad. get it? in space….
Totally out dad joked by my own daughter.
Even J.K. Rolling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.
My bi-polar bear.
I’ve just handed in my Too weak notice.
Teacher: Oh my lord why are you sitting on the text books Me: I’m learning by diffusion
Click here to find out!
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.
Only one, but the light bulb really has to WANT to change 😏😏
A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?”
The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.” “You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said. The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer said. “I did,” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach.”
The elephant of surprise.
Talk about head over heels!
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945
Me: I'm a Harp Host: Your costume's too small. Me: Are you calling me a Lyre?
The man asks, “And how would you do that?” The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and asks, “What are you doing?” The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.” The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?” The man says, “I’m going home, too. How am I supposed to work in the dark?”
It would be a travesty.
A WeedWhacker (sorry if it’s awful first time on this sub)
A paragraph, because hes too short to be an essay
Two loading animations!
Smiles. Because there is a mile between the S's. Have to give credit to my ten year old daughter for this one… Apparently I'm bringing her up right.
He said 'which ones?' I said ' Gas, electric and water'
…for complete cavity protection…
Because if i wanted to disappoint two people at once, I'd visit my parents.
I AM HERE TO SAY GOODBYE, I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! MY WIFE SAYS I AM IN THIS SUBREDDIT EVERY 20 SECONDS, AND SHE CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE! WE ARGUED AND SHE TOLD ME TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HER OR THE SUBREDDIT. SO I AM GOING TO BE OFFLINE FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES WHILE I PACK HER BAGS, AND CALL HER A TAXI. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
They were already stuffed!
"Anders?! But honey, he could be your father!" says mom. Daughter replies "Mom, age is just a number!" "I wasn't talking about his age!"
A witch is waiting for me at home
I was almost productive for a second there!