It wasn't quite what I thought it would be. My host told me to put my pants back on and get the hell out of there.
Because of the telly ban
You spend too much time on the web
His friends described him as a warm and pulpy man who loved his wife and pelicans. He will be deeply pooped.
It was very time consuming, especially when i went back for seconds
I said, "Sometimes I pull it down over my face and pretend it's a balaclava."
I waited as long as I could but nobody came, so I just washed them myself.
I’ve had it right up to here with them!
"For I did not speak of my own Accord…" – John 12:49
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data,
Their words, not mine.
They LIED. Everybody else had clothes on!
Madame: little Billy, get out of here! You're too young and you can't afford my girls. Little Billy pulls a huge wad of cash out of his pocket. Billy: I've been saving my allowance all year, and I've got my pubes. I want to bang a whore. Madame: well, okay. You can have any girl in the house except Sandy. Billy: Why can't I have Sandy? Madame: You don't want Sandy! She's got the herpesyphigonalaids! It's the worst VD ever! You don't want that little Billy. Billy: Yes I do! That's what i want! I want the herpesyphigonalaids. Madame: why little Billy? Billy: I'm gonna bang Sandy and she's gonna give me tje herpesyphigonalaids. Then I'm gonna go home and tonight i'll give it to my babysitter, then when my dad drives her home she'll give him the herpesyphigonalaids. When dad gets home he's gonna give mom the herpesyphigonalaids. Then tomorrow while he's at work mom will give the mailman the herpesyphigonalaids. AND THAT'S THE MOTHERF***ER WHO RAN OVER MY DOG!
Were the first form of pop up notifications
That I came to the door naked or that I knew where he lived
Him: I don’t go out with married women, sorry. Her: But I am your wife? Him: I make no exceptions.
It goes back four seconds.
…then it dawned on me.
I was delighted.
Don't know what I'm going to do in the mean time…
When my neighbors asked what I was supposed to be, I sadly replied, "I was supposed to be a lot of things…"
So I just came in my pants.
At a recent job interview I was asked "Can you perform under pressure?" I said "Unfortunately not, but I know the words to Bohemian Rhapsody."
It runs in your jeans.
A broken drum… you can’t beat it
In a Wacondo. My son and I just came up with that joke, driving past Disneyworld.
but they keep ending up in the gutter.
Terrible joke. Only 3 stars.