Every time I’m scrolling these days…
Apparently “Fucking large ones” wasn’t an acceptable answer.
It turned into a laughing stock. That's a humerus joke.
Whenever I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments of my high school days come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
The juggler notices that they have a poor view and stands on a box. He then says”Can you see me now?” And they answer: “Yes” “Oui” “Si” “Ja”
I guess school really does prepare you for the real world
My happiness quickly turned to disappointment when I found all the comic books I ordered were missing the last page…
So now I have to draw my own conclusions…
So many questions, Who's blood is that? How did you get it? Was the bucket even sanitized before you filled it with blood.
5 feet by 9 feet , unless the guards let me have a walk around.
Mother: Before I die, I have to tell you something. You're ad- ado- Son: I'm adopted?! Mother: No, you're adorable Son: sniffs Thanks, mom Mother: That's why I chose you at the adoption center
He keeps a log.
especially when it's on cruise control
People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi do
Anyone can learn to roast beef.
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did and warmed his hands. The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did, and warmed his nose. The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, "My penis is frozen solid." The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?" The daughter replies, "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they!"
A woman was having sex with her husbands best friend when her phone rang and her husband's name appeared on the ID. As she answered the call, her lover jumped out of bed and began to dress in a hurry. "relax" she said after she hung up the phone. He was just calling to tell me that he'd be home late because he's out bowling with you.
So I packed up my stuff and right
But I heard they were recently working on a new track
My daughter wanted a bouncy castle for her birthday. The guy said the rental was $50, and the set-up fee was $1000 dollars.
I said, “That’s outrageous!” He just shrugged and said, “That’s inflation for you.”
They live past the age of three
At the “Chopping Maul.”
They are just trying to be edgy.
Which takes the total number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
I can’t even get a straight answer
You could hear them say: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??
It’s a timeless piece, really.
Son: Dad, can't you just use a sponge ?
Now, when I see a nurse in a porno, I stand up and clap.