Every time they add this to a meme…
It was the least I could have done for him.
My wife loves tennis, and she was telling me how distracted she gets at the constant grunting during women’s matches.
I told her I’ll try not doing it again.
A little girl is having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear. She says, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?”
The bear replies, “No thanks, I’m stuffed.”
Now I’ve just got beer…
Lovely woman, useless surgeon…
Now I Think I’m getting haunted by a poultrygeist
He is de-composing.
Unfortunately she didn't know I existed.
Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke at a bar and then they knock knock.
Yep, she’s pregnant.
Honestly I should have noticed all the red flags
He must have realised that marriage counted as a union
It just ain't right turning your back on family.
It was some pretty good footage
But the spoilers ruined it for me.
A cop stops a Harley for travelling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name
'Fred,' he replies. 'Fred what?' the officer asks. 'Just Fred,' the man responds. The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?' The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Dingaling. I know — a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time, so I stayed to myself, studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred.' The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
Because parking is for ten ants only!
I never get a straight answer
It writes other words too
A literalist takes things literally and a kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
You have my Word.
Those faggots arrested me.
Number 1. Number 2.
I'm foreign against it.
…but I just have too much on my plate right now.
Me: Won't that confuse people who are trying to call us?
When the wife said to me, “You spoil those dogs.”
I will find you, you have my word
The decision was a piece of cake.