I asked him: "I bet i could guess your favourite holiday" He Replied: "Have to love Easter, baby."
Because they shoot the ones who go to school.
He sold his soul to Santa.
None, they'll just compliment it for hours and get pissed when it won't screw.
I asked if they were just like the ones grammar used to make.
An Overweight Time Traveler goes to ancient rome and realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip. Realizing his mistake he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do not have togas big enough to fit him. He goes to the counter and asks the clerk: Time traveler: Do you have XL togas? Clerk: Well, yes. But why do you need so many?
it was a counter-attack.
Their words, not mine.
This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall…
He asks the bartender, "What the fuck is that?" The bartender replies, "It's a moose." The Scottish chap shouts back, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"
I said BIG ONES in the opposite direction of the fire….apparently the wrong answer.
I told her I didn’t want to hear her Saab story.
No guy has ever gotten kicked in the nuts, and then a couple years later says, “You know, I’d like another one.”
Because she couldn't ketchup
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
please form an orderly orderly orderly queue.
The motion was passed.
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
But all the good ones Argon
It was Khanage.
An employee was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here and my Secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?" “Certainly,” said the employee. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button. “Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”
But then my Dad reminded me: money doesn’t glow on tees.
I stand corrected.
It's not stroganoff
A man entered his home and discovered that someone had stolen every single lamp present in the house.
He was absolutely delighted.
Me: No, I think most of them smell that way.
and says, "can I have a martini please?" "Dry?" "No, just one."
50 cent ft. Nickelback
…ignoring my existence until they need something.
With cutting edge technology.
A guy who's too drunk to follow orders.
Chatting on the phone with my dad while he was at work. Dad "I've got a light on my helmet so I look like a miner" Me "No, I would say you look about 40" Not even a chuckle from him 😒