Everyone knows masturbation is a touchy subject.
But oral sex? That's just a matter of taste.
He came, he saw, he conquered.
De brie everywhere.
Aisle B, back
Always Coming From Take Me Down
Because they're full of anty bodies.
An algae- bra
Because you're a joke.
Because they have mass
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta
So I simply sat down and looked comfortable, that did the trick
A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid.", answered the woman. "We don't have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house." "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" "Ummm…she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband." The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" "What do I have to do?" "I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?" "Throw them in the swimming pool!" "What pool?" "Uh.. is this 832-4173?"
It goes through a jarring experience.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
He went ice skating before it was cool.
No wait, she’s back She just went to make a cup of coffee
She wasn't Karen about any opinion but her own.
you throw him into the mainstream
My calculus professor was 16 minutes late to his first class, 8 minutes late to his second, and 4 minutes late to the third.
At this rate, he will never be in class on time.
I can’t tell you how much this means to me.
Their only drawback is the string.
Be a shame if someone put an S in front of it and an E behind it.
Dear sir, Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage. Sincerely, your service provider.
"you mean a choir?" Fine… How much does it cost to "acquire" a large singing group?
Because they have been extinct for millions of years.
Because Fuck U, that's why.
[Announcement] If you keep spamming your youtube channels here then your post will be marked as spam.
Which means that you will not only be banned from posting to this sub but you may get a shadow ban from reddit. Shadow ban means that you will not be able to post anything to ANY subreddit. Just follow the rules before posting.
He says "Father, I have sinned." The priest asks him "Tell me son, what have you done?" The young man admits "I've just cheated on my girlfriend" Priest "Oh, son, that's not good, but we all stray from God's path occasionally" "But Father, that's not the worst of it. They were twin sisters" "Son, I can see you're feeling guilty, but I'm sure you can atone…" "I'm not done, Father. They were only 18" "Son, legally and in the eyes of God…" "They were virgins, from Sweden. Blonde. They barely spoke a word of English and I took advantage of them!" The priest is getting a little flustered now "Ok, well, it's going to take some serious prayer and reflection on your sins to make your peace with the Lord." The young man continues "But Father, it was in my girlfriend's bed, while she was at the hospital visiting her sick mother" Before the priest can say anything, the young man continues: "It went on for hours. My God, they were so beautiful, I took them in turns, and both at the same time, it was wild. We fucked in the bed, on the floor, in the shower, on the kitchen bench, and then when my girlfriend walked in, I just kept going. They were insatiable…" The priest, now getting upset, says "Son, stop!" But the man continues "…I got it on video, so I can keep it for whenever I want to see it, and I can show it to my friends, and hey, do you want to see it?" The priest yells "Stop! No! I don't want to see it! Goddamit, what kind of Catholic are you?!" The man replies "I'm not a Catholic" Perplexed, the priest asks "…Then why come to church, why are you in confession? Why are you telling me all this?" "Dude… I'm telling everyone!"
Well the jokes on them – they’re imaginary too…
Quick! Someone call the bamboolance.
I guess we are raised differently.
Because I put on the wrong socks this morning
A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window. “What seems to be the problem?” asked the bee. “I’m out of petrol,” the man replied. The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out. ”Try it now,” said the bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. “Wow,” the man exclaimed. “What did you put in my petrol tank?” “BP,” answered the bee.
But it's paper view only.