Evil TV man kills book guy (very sad) 😭😭😭
A man had been drinking all night at a bar before puking all over his shirt. “Shit I can’t go home like this my wife will kill me” The bartender sees this and says “put a $20 bill in you pocket and when she sees the puke tell her some drunk puked on you and gave you $20 for dry cleaning”. So he goes home and his wife sees the puke on his shirt and asks what happened, he replies “a drunk guy puked on me and he gave me $20 to pay for dry cleaning”. To which his wife says “Ok…then why do you have $40 in your hand?” “Because he also shit in my pants.”
A woman at the other end of the bar watches as the man just sits there drinking while the frog sits next to him. Curiosity finally gets the better of her, so she walks up to the man and asks, "what's with the frog?" The man looks at the woman and says, "this is my pet frog. He's very special." "Why?", asked the woman. " Well, I've taught this frog how to pleasure women orally." The woman laughs, but the man is serious. After more drinks the woman agrees to let the man prove it. So they go out back to the man's car, the woman drops trou, and the man places the frog between her legs and tells the frog, "Alright buddy, go to town." The frog just sits there doing nothing. "Come on, man. Don't be shy!" Still, the frog does nothing. "This is your moment to shine!" But the frog doesn't move. So the man picks up the frog, looks the frog in the eyes and says, "This is the last time I'm gonna show you how to do this!!"
The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.” A time traveler walks into a bar.
“Do you know how to drive this thing?”
[…] to pee on him whenever he wants. It's his monthly streaming service.
Randolf the brown nosed reindeer, he can run as fast as Rudolf, he just can't stop as quick.
Shomething sheemsh Amish
He makes some really good points.
They both barely cover the asshole
Alien versus Redditor.
please form an orderly orderly orderly queue.
He looked bewildered and replied, "Who, me?"
Shawn: "Yawn." Shaun: "Yaun." Sean: "Yean."
How the f*** did I get all these nickles?
..One’s a Corona virus and the other’s a Verona crisis.
is it parishable?
A police officer was driving down the road when he saw a car in the ditch. The crash appeared to pretty bad so he took a close look, when he got to the car and looked inside he saw an entire dead family. The husband, the wife, two kids, and a monkey. He asks the monkey, not expecting much, what had happened. The monkey responds with a gesture of crashing. So he asks further. “What was the Father doing?” The monkey scratches his head, nods and does a drinking gesture. “Oh so he was drinking?” The monkey nods his head excitedly. The officer asks, “what was the Mother doing?” The monkey thinks for a moment, and does a mouth talking gesture. “Bitching?” The cop guessed. The monkey with a smile nods his head in excitement. The cop looks in the back and asks. “What were the kids doing?” The monkey thinks a moment and starts hitting the air. “So they were fighting?” The monkey nods his head. Then the officer asked, “What were you doing?” Without hesitation the monkey smiles making a steering wheel gesture.
One is a groundskeeper while the other is a grounds keeper
Me: Thanks for reminding me
So instead, a subreddit.
completely harmless until you light one on fire and stick it in your mouth.
Dad: No thanks, but I’ll wrestle you for them.
Because meat is Protein…I…I should go
Follow the dog and you'll get a free purse or wallet.
Sitting here staring at a post on one of the other pages on reddit for like 2mins, not realizing I was not paying attention nor i was actually reading the post because I was high on weed.
don't be elfish!
Who's there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas! Knock knock. Who's there? Anna. Anna who? Anna happy new year! Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Reddit 🙂
Now they just call me Dav.