Precisely zero – and that is a good number.
Tommy proudly answered, "North, South and Tad!"
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Is that you have the rest of your life to fix it.
It would be a pain in the ass
Instructor: don't lick my lips again.
On average, a panda feeds for approximately 12 hours a day. It’s the same with humans under quarantine.
That’s why it’s called a “Pandemic”.
But I know they won't work.
“Shit I can’t go home like this my wife will kill me” The bartender sees this and says “put a $20 bill in you pocket and when she sees the puke tell her some drunk puked on you and gave you $20 for dry cleaning”. So the guy goes home and his wife sees the puke on his shirt and asks what happened, to which he replies “a drunk guy puked on me and he gave me $20 to pay for dry cleaning”. To which his wife says “Ok well then why do you have $40 in your hand?” “Because he also shit in my pants.”
I've said it before.
Charles Dickens had lots of melodious metal bars outside the front of his house. Some of them were expensive, others dirt cheap.
It was the best of chimes, it was the worst of chimes.
Neil and Bill look at Stephen Hawking and yell, "My God, Stephen, you're cured!"
Its literally made of hide.
Someone who is fed up with people.
Sometimes I feel like it's holding me back.
Because they’re good buoys
“Why are you driving so slow, ma’am?” The old lady replies, “Because it’s the speed limit, don’t you see the signs?” The cop says, “Those aren’t speed limit signs, it actually says you are on Highway 35.” The cop notices her three passengers look absolutely terrified. “What’s wrong with them?” the cop asks. The old lady answers, “Not sure, they’ve looked like that since I got off Highway 109.”
Instead of going to the beach, many mathematicians are dividing the opposite side of a right triangle over the adjacent side
They say it's a better way to get a tan.
a spear, I guess.
Username checks out
I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend
Pun in, ten dead.
But the definition is unclear.
Because with great power comes great response ability