He couldn’t see that well
I don't mind having it, but I'm scared my parents have it too.
It's always been so supportive.
Please upvote because I want to remove every spot from this house
Me: “Actually, we’d like him to keep his liver.”
Now I understand why they call you handsome
It's not hard
I don't know why I put it on in the first place.
So I answered it.
I've been taking steps to avoid them.
But I’m thinking of giving it a shot.
One will see you later and the other will see you in a while.
I'm currently working knights.
On a plane!
I told her this isn’t working out
Me: No, I think they need to stay on the wall.
With his wife now eight months pregnant, a man was severely horny. She recognized what he was going through and empathized enough to hand him a fifty-dollar bill. "Honey, you're so depressed. Take this money to the woman next door and she'll sleep with you. But remember: tonight only, okay? Never again!" He couldn't believe his ears but, afraid she might change her mind, grabbed the money and ran, but within five minutes was back, totally disappointed. "She says fifty isn't enough. She wants hundred!" His wife was mad, Why that bitch! When she was pregnant and her husband came over here, I only charged him fifty!
However, his sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.
Because they're still alive.
Beethoven's final movement
I asked him what on earth he was doing in there. All he said was, "I cum in peas."
She's definitely plotting something.
He was attacked by a giant crab
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house:’Talking Dog For Sale.’
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep" the Lab replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says, "So, what's your story?" The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping, I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running… but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. "Ten dollars" the owner says. The guy says "Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on Earth are you selling him so cheap?" The owner said "Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that shit!"