Wrong E-mail Address
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they had spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife set to fly down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, sent it. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Date: July 19, 2010 Subject: I've Arrived I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!
Why did 25 letters of the alphabet get coal for Christmas?
Because they were not E
The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?” The little boy nodded affirmatively…
"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?" The little boy nodded once more. "So…" the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb asshole, is it?" The little boy nodded yet again. "Good." said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."
I used to think toking weed and snorting lines of coke made me a cool guy
but it was all just smoke and mirrors.
I just found out that “Aaarghh” is not a real word.
I can’t express how angry I am.
I don’t get what Christians are trying to warn us about. Hell sounds like a great place
People are dying to get there.
What do you call a kinky dinosaur?
A Doyouhaveasoreass
How do you make a pheromone?
Tell him to let your people go.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat any dinner?
They were already stuffed!
Sunday: Greg. Monday: Ian. Tuesday: Greg. Wednesday: Ian. Thursday: Greg. Friday: Ian. Saturday: Greg
So this is how the Gregorian calendar was created.
I threw a boomerang a few years ago..
I now live in constant fear.
I told Mike Tyson about the hippo that’s trained to use a toilet, but he seemed skeptical.
Keeps calling it a hippo potty myth
I called my wife and told her that I’ll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.
She still regrets letting me name the kids.
I got a job as a bullet
But I was immediately fired.
A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution “this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before”.
So the lion starts running towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "Hmmmm…that was some good lion meat!". The lion abruptly stops and says " Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can". Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily "get on my back, we'll get him together". So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts "where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…"
#textblob #python #translator Spell Checker & Languages Translator pro…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcgtoxRXnRk&feature=share
A man dies and he’s able to be in heaven and in hell for 1 day so he could choose which he likes best.
And heaven was boring as fuck and hell was a 24/7 hookers and blow non stop party. So the next day he goes back to st Peter? And says, "nah.. I'm going to stay in hell" and when he goes back down with the devil it's all torture and Sulphur and fire and brimstone and he goes to the devil and says "what the fuck?? Where are the hookers and blow? The dj and pools?" and the devil responds…. "well, that's the difference between being a tourist and being an immigrant"
I’m giving up masturbating for an entire month.
Sorry, bad punctuation. I'm giving up. Masturbating for an entire month.
Two old men are sitting on the deck of a cruise ship. The first one asks, “Have you read Marx?”
The other one replies, “Yes. I believe that comes from sitting on these wicker chairs.”
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius
But his brother Frank was a monster!
There’s no way video games cause violence.
If they did, school shootings would involve a LOT more tea bagging.
Why should you never touch an electric fence
Because it hertz.
Where did the terminator find toilet paper?
Aisle B, back!
Tequila wont fix your life..
..But its definitely worth a shot.
My brother couldn’t pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
What do you call an atheist church?
A non-prophet organization! 😂😂
One day, a wife came home early.
One day, a wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. Naturally, she was very upset. “You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me! I’m a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce right away!” The husband replied, “Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.” “Go ahead,” she sobbed, “but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!” So the husband began, “Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night. The ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments! Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has a pair the same.” The husband took a quick breath and continued, “She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said…” “Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?”
If it helps others or those less fortunate, then he will always ignore the problem
https://ift.tt/39jutk7
The garbage man looks sad.
Yeah, he's wheelie bin depressed.
Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they’d be be gross, but they were actually pretty good…
Turns out that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!
My wife said to me “you didn’t hear a word I said did you?”
I thought to myself. That's a funny way to start a conversation.
Is an entire TV show a valid “boomer humor” submission? Because this show is awful.
https://ift.tt/2XamZh8
My teenager took his driving test today and managed to get 8 out of 10.
The remaining 2 jumped out of the way.