Whenever I see him, I usually think "not now".
But so far I've made 3 vases and a jug.
It becomes a shooting star.
They’ll be so disappointed when the finale is not a cliffhanger…
Her face lit up when I proposed
The title says it all.
Not screaming hysterically like his passengers
Just mentioned to the missus that I’ve always had a bit of a thing for Beyoncé. “Whatever floats your boat.” she said.
“No.” I said. “That’s buoyancy.”
…a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away…
4 For Sales 5 For Customer Service or 6 to hear these options again
Knock knock Who's there? Dwayne Dwayne who? Dwayne the tub before I dwown.
I was at the deli counter behind another dad and his son the other day. He has his hands full – the kid was screaming for candy, cookies… all sorts of things. The dad kept saying in a controlled voice: “Easy, William, this won’t take long. Just chill out.” He had another outburst in the cereal aisle and his dad just said "Settle down, William. Just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, buddy.” At the checkout, I see him in the next lane over and the kid is throwing items out of the cart. His Dad says again, super-calmly, “William… William, relax! Don’t get upset. We’ll be home in ten minutes. Just stay cool, William.” It was impressive. So, as we're both walking out of the store I turned to him and said “I'm sure it’s none of my business, but you were amazing back there. I don’t know how you kept your composure. I might have snapped if my son was in that kind of mood. William is very lucky to have you as his dad!” And he said “Thanks! But actually, I'm William. This little shit's name is Collin.”
Denim denim denim Denim denim denim
It seemed very shady.
A man entered his home and discovered that someone had stolen every single lamp present in the house.
He was absolutely delighted.
Now, it makes all the cents in the world.
But the day before was a Saturday.
It is Excel Lent.
A priest, a pastor and a rabbi walk into a bar and soon begin arguing over who’s the best at what they do. Eventually they decide that in order to prove who’s the best, they would all go out alone into the woods and convert a bear to their respective religion. A few weeks later.. they meet up at the bar and the priest announces, "I found a bear by the river and started talking to him about the Lord. He liked it so much that he now comes to mass every week." The pastor says, "Well, I saw a bear in the clearing. I started reading him the bible and he loved it so much that he is now going to be baptized in about a week." The priest and the pastor turn to look at the rabbi, who now has a broken arm, a fractured collarbone and several cuts and bruises. The rabbi says, "You know what, looking back, maybe I shouldn't have started with a circumcision."
Now I have stable wifi
He didn't listen though.
A constellation prize.
He kisses his mother with that mouth.
I decided to let him sleep
We just clicked!
Because there's no post on Sunday
You can't hear an enzyme.
Sadly, I was in the women’s bathroom.
I said, “Weird. I was about to ask you the same thing.”
It's what he would have wanted…