“Excuse me sir, will the pizza be long?”
"No sir it'll be round."
*joke courtesy of a local restaurant
Ever hear the one about the 3 holes in the ground?
Well Well Well
Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you.
But smoking bacon will cure it.
Why aren’t porcupines allowed to become bartenders?
They always spike the drinks.
![[MEME] When Hitchcock and Sculley are called to action](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/ndvo77ka73x41-400x551.jpg)
I finally cut ties with someone who was dragging me down.
Mountain climbing with a friend is hard.
Did you know SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus? Did you know “tuba” is also an acronym?
Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
When does a joke become a “dad joke”?
When it becomes apparent
By law, you are required to turn on your headlights if it is raining in Sweden
How the hell am I supposed to know if its raining in Sweden?
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just one byte. And then everything crashed.
What did one plate say to the other plate?
Dinner is on me!
Two surgeons are in an operating room…
One has a large cut. The second surgeon asks “would you like me to stitch that up for you?” The first surgeon says “no thanks, I’d prefer to close my own wound” The second surgeon replies “suture self”
What does Yoda call a shape with three sides?
A do-or-do-not-angle. There is no try-angle.
I just slipped on a banana skin.
I look ridiculous in it.
My wife said she wants me to stop listening to Wonderwall…
I SAID MAYBEEEE!!
I asked a friend what he thought of dry ice.
He said it was absolutely sublime.
How do you get Trump to change a lightbulb?
Tell him Obama put it in
State of the subreddit and the Hackathon, and going forward
So, the first thing I’d like to clear up is that the final Hackathon stream will finally be taking place this week and judging will conclude approximately a week later. Then we’ll hand out the prizes, announce the winners and get this whole thing done with. Extremely sorry for the long wait, but scheduling differences have made it very difficult to get everything fully coordinated. We’ll be running the next one sometime next year (likely in the summer), along with some big plans, so stay tuned. twitch.tv/programmerhumorNow, as for the subreddit: despite our new Rule #0 and strike system (although it has still been extremely beneficial), we’ve still been receiving much too many low effort and barely programming related posts. This is partially an issue of enforcement, and partially due to the subjectivity of r0. To remedy this, we’ve come up with two possible changes:All posts must go through moderator approval before being allowed on the subreddit.We will hold “Memeless Mondays”, in which all analogy memes which use non-OC templates will not be allowed. So this is good, this is not.Please note that we are not implementing these changes yet. We’d like to see your take on them first – what could we improve? What could we clarify? Could they work at all? Why or why not? We don’t want this subreddit wiped clean of posts, which 24/7 memeless would do, but I feel as if holding an experiment like this would definitely be a good idea. Tell us what you think. We’ll also be bringing back our repost bot soon, which will definitely bring at least a small improvement to content quality.However, our zeroth change will require a very significant new load on moderators. After the Hackathon concludes, we’ll be opening up applications again for several new mods (preferably as many as possible in the east). If you’d like to make ProgrammerHumor about actual ProgrammerHumor again, then’s your chance, so keep an eye out.Thanks for reading this and especially thanks if you give any feedback – this would be a huge shift for the subreddit so it’s not going to be taken lightly.
?
I hardly know her!
Slightly NSFW joke
Conversation between maid and owner:. (owner is a female) Maid: I need a raise Owner: you already have got a raise Maid: that was 18 months ago Owner: why do you then deserve.this raise? Maid: I am better than you in many things Owner: ok tell me Maid: I am better at ironing clothes than you Owner: who told you Maid: your husband Owner: okay Maid: I also am better at cooking than you Owner: now who told you that? Maid: your husband Owner: okay Maid: and I also am better than you in bed Owner: did my husband tell you that too? Maid: no the Gardner did. Owner: …………….. Owner: ok how much raise do you want?
Do you know where I store all my dad jokes?
In a dad-a–base
How do you introduce a hamburger?
“meet patty”
6:30 is the best time of day.
Hands down.
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet because it’s a sobering reminder of why…
…there's never any money in there.
What do you call a group of Nazi birds?
The Goose-Tapo
For anyone attending Stan Lee’s funeral…
Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished.
Why do riot cops like to leave early when they go to work?
So they can beat the crowds.
Did you hear about the Erectile Dysfunction Anonymous meeting?
It's alright, nobody came.
Why did the man work in a barn for hus whole life?
Because is was a stable career
How do mathematicians get rid of constipation?
They work it out with a pencil.
What do you call a can opener that’s broken?
A can't opener.
