Eye hospital near my home.
The Invisible man!
It’s lucky my older brother told me about it, really.
Fortunately, I belong to the 1% of intelligent people
I said: "Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you."
Upon hearing that his elderly grandfather had just passed away, Dave went to visit his 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When he asked how his grandfather died, his grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Dave told his grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex was surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, dear," replied granny, "many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She then paused to wipe a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
You have the recommended six feet between you.
She called me a cheap skate.
Dip both your hands in fresh cow dung before going out. This will make sure that a) you will not touch your eyes, nose, ear or mouth. b) nobody will shake hands with you. c) Nobody will come near you when you are out in the streets. d) You will wash your hands thoroughly before you eat.
I watched it all unfold.
His name was James Pond
A non-prophet organization.
A plain bagel.
Because it was feeling crumby! (Blatant cake joke for karma! LOL)
…makes the game Monopoly.
Just for shits and giggles.
A guy in the back shouts "you don't have enough bullets"
BA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA BA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA grapefruit
It's gotten so bad that I had to take his bike away.
They fit like a glove
It runs on upvolts.
Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day so that I don’t have to listen to it.
The deep web
His name is Fidough
Good. I'd vote for it over Trump or Biden any day.
Apparently, "Being a carpenter and getting nailed to a wooden cross" isn't a good example.
A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and everyone died. Upon arrival in heaven, God said, "Since you have died in a terrible way, I'll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven." The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and says "I wish to be beautiful." God grants her wish. The next person can’t decide on what to wish for, so he ends up wishing for the same thing. At this point a man at the very back of the line starts to laugh. The next couple, seeing how utterly wondrous the two have become, make their wish to become beautiful also, and the man at the end laughs even louder. One after another, the people wish for the same thing. The closer God gets to the end of the line, the harder the man laughs. When God finally reaches him, he asks "What is your wish my son?" The man says, "Make them all ugly again!"