“How much to buy a singing ensemble!?” I asked the clerk. Puzzled, he questioned, “You mean a choir?”
“Fine, how much to acquire a singing ensemble!?”
Sony and Yamaha are my favorite.
I'm finally above average for something
Number one, and number two
I didn't even know they could knit!
It's not me, iReddit somewhere.
But for mathematicians, it's just right.
By previously legalizing same-sex marriage and now Marijuana, Canada have finally interpreted the bible correctly:
Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lies with another man he should be stoned."
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
Because they can’t even
Patient: "But doctor, I am not Steven. My name is Mike." Doctor: "I know, I am Steven."
The Mechanical engineer says: – "It's a broken starter". The Electrical engineer says: – "Dead battery". The Chemical engineer says: – "Impurities in the Gasoline" The IT engineer says: – "Hey guys, i have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".
He had an iron deficiency
I’m not going to spread it!
The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.
They're the Tolkien white guys.
I just think he's mean
By a virus from China , named after a Mexican beer?
In the bathtub, I always play Atlantis with my belly. But it just doesn't want to go down.
Hopefully I won't get locked up for resisting a rest.
It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs when I sleep. Obligatory: Thank you for the silver and gold, kind strangers! My first awards ever.
My ex- rapper friend decided to stop his gardening business because he was really careless with his tools.
He has hoes in different area codes.
In Spanish, you roll your R’s and in Dad Jokes you roll your Eyes
Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
I said- "Back in 02." It sounds much better than "February"
He says, "Magic beer. You want one?" "Aw, that's stupid. There's no such thing" she says. "Look, I'll show you". He takes a big swig and proceeds to throw himself out of a nearby window, where he proceeds to fly up and around the building, and back into bar window. "That's incredible! I don't believe it!" she says. "Hey barkeep, throw me another one o' them Magic Beers". The bartender shakes his head and pours another beer and slides it down the bar. The man chugs about half of it and proceeds to leap out the window and circle the building again. "Here, you try it" he says to the blonde. She takes a big draw on the glass, jumps out of the window, and falls about 30 feet to the ground – breaking both her legs – and begins screaming in pain. The bartender says, "Superman, you're a real bastard when you're drunk."